S. Michele Smith

How time flies...

2010-07-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

Time flies.
I know I've probably said that before over the years. Probably more than once. Time flies. Some times faster than other times. Since the inception of plans for the wedding, the rate of forward movement of time has radically increased. In other words, there's just not enough and what there is, is quickly moving past. As I move around in this sadly neglected blog of mine (yeah, I've said that before, too...) I find that things have changed drastically here, too. Must check in more often.
Back to plans and languishing blogs. The wedding is next week. Plans started awhile back (five weeks, to be precise), but as with most plans, things get hectic. We can deal with it. Probably in large part because we are thrilled with our daughter's spousal choice. He's a pretty awesome guy. Those who know them, know what I mean. Those who don't probably don't care anyway. Since this is a major event in our lives, it seemed a good thing to blog about. Not that there haven't been other major events going on around here. Like hubby's cancer treatments, for instance. Very early detection, surgery (may not have been necessary!), three rounds of chemo, and seventeen rounds of radiation (daily, Mon -- Fri). We feel very blessed that the treatments seem to have knocked out the cancer. At least, nothing else shows up anywhere. (Non-Hodgkin lymphoma, we are told, is highly treatable these days...) But, between the wedding and the treatments, we didn't get to take the vacation we had planned. That's the down side. The up side, family that we were going to go visit are coming out here, instead. And, they'll be here for the wedding! Probably a good thing we weren't on the road this summer, after all. Wouldn't have had the money to plan the wedding--and we wouldn't have been here to attend it.

That last statement is not accurate, I'm sure. I doubt that the kids would have just up and gotten married without us. They could have done. They could have eloped. That would have saved money and nerves and... well, whatever an elopement saves on. This is not a dream wedding, by any stretch of the imagination. With the economy, there's just not enough money floating around to pull out all the bells and whistles. Lines have to be drawn, guest lists have to be worked and reworked. It's not easy when there are so many family members and friends to consider. We want everyone to be able to come and celebrate with us. It just isn't possible. But we've learned quite a bit from all this. Not the least of which is the fact that these two 'kids' are being responsible and considerate of what can and can't be done. They are working--together--to make this the wedding they want and accepting the fact that they can't have it all. And they are being mature, reasonable, wise about it all. We are impressed. No bridezilla tantrums, no unreasonable demands, no making this a reason for a drunken bash. What they want most is unity of hearts, family and a few friends, love and fond memories. They are young. They are starting out and excited and starry-eyed.

But far beyond all that, their attitudes inspire and shine a light of hope out there in a world that sometimes feels lost. They know what they want--and balance that against what is reasonable. Doable. And maybe we could have done more if we'd had a lot more time. But cancer is a scary thing, even when the docs say it's looking good. It's one of those things that says time may be running by swifter than we know. We think everything is going to be just fine. Especially watching these two kids plan their lives together, standing beside each other and showing the world that the youth are not out of control. They are pretty wise, after all.

Time to Breathe Yet?

2009-10-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

Nope, not quite. I participated in an on-line conference this year: MuseOnline and am still catching up, even though the conference officially ended yesterday. Was it only yesterday? Geez, my mind is still spinning. I don't remember who told me about the conference to begin with. It happened last year, but I did not sign up. Too many things to do--besides, it was an on-line thing, and free. How many things have you ever gotten for free that were worth the price you paid? Exactly. FREE was not something I was willing to pay for last year. And I had my doubts about it this year, too. But another friend told me she would be giving a workshop on non-verbal communications, so I decided that I'd give it a shot. Besides, free means I can back out any time I want. FREE means free. No obligations, right?

HA! Let me tell you, this conference was the best thing I've done for my writing in ages--besides actually writing, that is. And there is NaNo, too. NaNo's free, and it's fun. Maybe the Muse Conference would be, at least, fun. I didn't end up wanting to back out of anything I'd signed up for, though I was disappointed that two of the workshops didn't actually happen. However, there were more than enough to choose from to keep me up to my literarily-aspiring eyeballs in busy. I signed up for [cough cough] way too many workshops, since I was probably thinking free also equals easy. Well, I was wrong. The workshops I took and the ones I didn't have time to take are chock-full of....work. Handouts, assignments, exchanges and sharing. It was a very full week. Oh, did I forget to mention the Conference is a week long? Sorry. It was a week packed with much reading and writing and information gathering. I learned so much and felt empowered by some of the things I learned: how to brand myself as an author, how to set up a good website, how to use social networking sites to get my books marketed, etc. Not to mention: how to write power sentences, how to keep my 'viewpoint' from wandering as I write, how to 'write tight' and keep it that way, plotting, planning, organizing, OH, MY! All this for free.

I've gone to one other conference that I paid for and physically attended, to the tune of a couple hundred dollars. That's why I wasn't sold on this free on-line thing. I remember my experience at the paid event I attended. Disappointment. Didn't feel like I had gotten much out of it besides the privilege of sitting and listening to published writers toot their horns. Not that it wasn't fun, but why pay to hear hour long advertising segments? Really? These folks that put on the Muse Conference are pros--they write, and yeah, they told me where I could buy their books. But that was more along the lines of "Hi, my name is I. Writebooks, and here's my info. Check it out." Then they got down to business and gave away a lot of deep information--including .pdf handout books on how to do what they were getting ready to teach you how to do. They interacted with the participants, giving helpful advice and suggestions. They encouraged and cajoled and cheered us on. It was fun! It was a richly rewarding experience. And it was free. So, here's to sometimes getting WAY MORE than you pay for! Thanks to you all at the Muse Conference. You've restored my faith that sometimes there are people who believe in paying it forward and helping others out in a craft that isn't always kind. Here's to many more wonderful years!

Accomplishment...of sorts

2009-09-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

Rambling. That is what I feel like I am doing. Rambling through books, pages, e-mail, blogs, the Internet. Collecting things to paper the walls of my mind. I'm supposed to be writing and, in a sense, maybe I am. Working things out somewhere around the edges until something clicks into place. I'm not sure what I am looking for. Maybe a distraction from pain. Maybe a secret to life. The secret. But I don't think there are really any secrets to life. It's pretty much all out there in the open, if you really look for it.

But. But what? I'm not sure. My brain has turned off, more or less. I read through books, learning. Slurping it up, hoping to know things that someone else has known a lot longer than I have. Or they've known it more surely than I have. I feel like I have a Teflon brain. Nothing sticks these days. Is it the pain, causing things to slide off before they have a chance to take root? I am getting some work done. Edited a short story manuscript, sent it off to my editor, gotten some cover graphics done for the same person for his book. I started editing one of my novels and worked through several chapters in two books (by the same author) on how to outline a novel. Got all the worksheets and checklists and such from the books loaded into files on the computer for easier use. Lots of typing there, but it did not make my fingers itch to type my own words. Where is this going? I'm not sure.

The weeks are broken up with various activities; Tuesday is friend day, Wednesday a study circle is supposed to happen, Thursday evening a writing group. These things all break my week apart and make it hard for me to focus. I know something is coming up, so I know I will be interrupted and my thought processes disrupted. Getting down to work, sticking with it, is hard to do if I know that something is coming up. My mind jitters around, never landing on one thing. Unfocused because there is that thing waiting around the next hour. Taking two hours at a time to work is not something my mind seems bent on doing. It wants large chunks of time. Huge blocks of non-disturbance to look forward to. Ah, a straight path to the goal. Hours and hours of unbroken stillness in which to frolic and create. Time that spans great distances between now and then, until my mind comes back to the present--emptied and satisfied with an accomplishment of some sort. I don't find that easily, but will not give up my scheduled events--they are important! I need to learn to work between those times and get things done.

So I play at getting organized. Okay, so it isn't really play, because it does bring organization to the chaos. That's a good thing.

Voice from the Ether

2009-09-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

Weird? Scary? Okay, let's just go with weird. Scary, not so much. Irritating, definitely.

As I was meandering through my on-line writing group, reading and enjoying what has been written in the past few days, a voice pops up and starts yammering at me about Arm&Hammar laundry detergent. Now, that's not unusual--or wouldn't have been had I been using IE8, since IE8 had started allowing all sorts of pop-ups to adjust themselves to my browsing choices (yeah, I clicked on the "block popups" and it doesn't always work these days...). With voice feeds. So, I switched to Chrome--and no more annoying pop-ups at all! Chrome is (was?) working well. Until this morning. A few minutes ago, to be exact.

The voice, all chirpy and nice, starts talking about cleaning aids. I look down at my toolbar and taskbar and there is nothing open that is not supposed to be there. No pop-up taking up valuable desktop real estate. I check the tabs across Chrome, nothing extra there. There is no visual to match the voice that is yammering away. Then it stops. Hmmmm....strange. Then it chirps out "Hey! Have you gotten any coupons yet?" Every few seconds. Annoying. Weird. I turned off my speakers, end of problem. Speakers off for five minutes. I turned them back on, thinking the voice in the machine would have given up. Not so. Immediately "Hey! Have you gotten any coupons yet?" blares out, followed quickly by: "Looking for solutions? We've got more!" Now I'm ticked!

This is *MY* space! I paid for this computer. I pay for the right to access the Internet. I pay for the electricity to keep it all humming. I'll be damned if I will ever pay to buy products that show up, unannounced, in my life. I did not invite this chirpy female voice to high jack my air-, brain-, or any other-space I might occupy at any given moment. I have my writing group tab open, I have my gmail account tab open. There is nothing else going on or open on my computer except for non-connected programs like PageFour and OpenOffice. Is one of them the culprit? I don't think so. Has Chrome decided to allow pop-up voices rather than pop-up visuals into the mix? If so, I will be shopping elsewhere for a browser. One that does not allow for such a blatant invasion of my privacy.

The thought crosses my mind: How am I ever going to be able to listen to music on my computer again? The thing is, if I am on the Internet doing research for one of my WIPs, I might like to have on Celtic Drums, or some country tunes, or heavy metal--depending on what I am researching for. I've had the experience of having my music going and clicking on something I wanted to listen to on-line. I figured one would cancel out the other, see? Nope. Didn't work that way. I got to hear them both. Not an easy feat to separate out the noise from the news. So, does this mean I won't be able to enjoy my music while I'm on the Internet without having to listen to whatever is hammering away at me to buy this or that? It has been fifteen minutes, I've turned my speakers back on again--sound check--and she's still at it. It isn't right. It is another insidious evil perpetrated by the mega-industrial complexes vying for our cash, our laundry, and our lives. Invasion of my privacy is not an acceptable way to get me to buy into your product line. You have just lost a once valued customer. Although, now that I think about it, it could be a little on the scary side. They, meaning corporations, already track our spending through our bank cards, credit cards, and any other means they can. Now they want our private minutes, too? There are so many other, more important things going on in the world. And while those things are going on, while our attention is drawn away for a moment, advertisers and corporations creep into our veins. It's just wrong.

Social Networking

2009-09-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

First, let me see if this works. Yes, it does.

Okay, now that we have gotten that out of the way--that being the ability to copy and paste from my PageFour application directly into my blog here. The question arises because I can't copy/paste from my OpenOffice application into my blog. And while I can use MS Word and actually publish directly from that application, I am using a sadly outdate version that is, to say the least, not doing a lot of the things I need it to do; such as cooperate with others who have much newer versions. Backwards compatibility, it seems, is a thing of the past. Updating is too expensive. Hence, OpenOffice. PageFour is a whole other app--that I have learned to use and really like! And then there's the question of security issues that MS does not cover with such an outdated program. Ah, the vicissitudes of life...

[False alarm: It will only copy/past one sentence at a time. Drat! The workaround: copy from here, paste to a Word doc, copy from Word, paste to blog. Life should not be so complicated.]

At any rate, today's subject will tackle, for me, social networking sites. There are many! A few of the ones I belong to: Ning, MySpace, Twitter, and Facebook. Not to mention all the other places I've joined where there are group forums, such as Goodreads, NaNoWriMo, Duotrope, Sampa, Flickr, etc. (That's just a drop in the bucket!) Are we humans joiners by nature?

Each of these applications seems to have its own jargon, though many of them share commonalities. It's hard to keep up these days. My experience has been: First, there was Myspace, which everyone invited me to. Then, Twitter, Ning, and Facebook. I'm not sure if that was the order in which they came into being. I am only sure that it is the order in which I was invited to join (according to my best recollection).

So, am I getting tweets from twits? Not so much, these days. Nor am I getting much action from Myspace. Not since Facebook, at any rate. As for the twitters; as I said, those are pretty sparse. I mean, the tweets from the twits. Is that actually what people who use Twitter are called? It seems like it should be, since it is easier than calling someone a Twitterer. That sounds like a stutter. Come to think of it, if someone sends you the same tweet a dozen times in a row, would that be a twutter? And I don't think my friends on Twitter are twits, though they may think that of me from time to time. And when do you actually capitalize these words? Is it Twits or twits? Should it be Tweets or tweets? Is it Twick or Tweat? No, wait! That's still several weeks away.

According to WordWeb, another very handy application, though not social, a twit is: a noun; 1. Someone who is regarded as contemptible, or 2. Aggravation by deriding or mocking or criticizing. Then we have the verb usage: twit (twitted, twitting) meaning to harass with persistent criticism or carping.

Back in the olden days, before twitter/Twitter, a friend who was also a twit would have been annoying indeed. I mean, we've all had the experience, right? The constant harassment, criticism, and carping away at us until we wanted to punch them one? But I don't currently see my friends who twit me as being annoying or harassing in any way. The occasional "B rite bak, gotta use the potty!" or the "I've had my 3rd cuppa 2day and am now ready 4 action." did get a bit lame at times. Sort of in the category of TMI (Too Much Information!), if you know what I mean. But most of my friends are pretty level-headed folks not given to info-overload. So I don't consider them to be twits in the least, even though they do twitter.

We've turned google into a verb these days: "I'm going to google that and see what I find." or "I'm googling that review even as we speak." come to mind. Does that mean that when I interact on Facebook or Myspace that I am facebooking? myspacing? Does that make Ning, ninging? And what if you get stuck with that one, like a broken record??? You could be ninginginginging.... all the day long.

And why do we join so many groups? It's like jumping ship these days. First one app comes along. We like it! We send invites to every person who has ever come through our e-mail inbox--whether we remember them or not. A revolution starts. People come pouring in to this new and shiny site in droves. Ah, we have established contact. We have lift off! The site hits the airwaves, television and radio pick it up and talk about "the latest social networking trend" and we all, if we haven't already been invited by at least a dozen or more contacts, decide to give it a look. We join, we make connections, we love it! Pretty soon we aren't seeing much action on our other social networking sites. Everyone has abandoned ship and taken up with the life raft. So be it. Another day, another trend. Is there no loyalty in the world? And trying to keep up with all those networks we've joined will be interesting, to say the least.

Let me tell you--it can be done. If you are willing to put the rest of your life on hold. If you are willing to quit your job, ignore your family... But, hey!, they are all twitterfacebookmyspaceninging, too. No problem. Just add them to my ever-growing list of friends/contacts and I can tell them when dinner is happening. "We r dinnering 2nite @ approx 7pm after I get dun w/my tweets." Since I am using all apps at all times, then I am not being disloyal in the least. And the apps nowadays are almost all interlinked in some mysterious fashion so, when you post to one, it may broadcast to the others. At least, that's the way I think it works. I really don't keep up with all the others much of the time. Like most others, I tend to go where my peeps are.

And look at all these people I haven't heard from in years! Everyone of them here--together at last. Sighing in bliss, we tweet to our heart's content. Until we remember that the class bully whom we just 'friended' was not our friend. And our exes found us through friends of friends of friends. And it really bites to have a BFF paint all your secrets on their walls! Yeah, there are down-sides to all this social networking. I won't even go into all the political gaffs out there. Must exercise caution, perhaps?

Gotta jam, my twits are waiting!

Making Confusion Out of Chaos

2009-09-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

Spending time learning what you thought you already knew can be, in a word, frustrating. Instead of simply being able to just do something, there are all sorts of other steps involved. It's not a matter of knowing what you know. It's not that easy. Today, I feel decidedly disorganized. I put two photo books together. Then I read the forums on all sorts of "issues" having to do with the physical printing of these books. Soft-proofing came up several times. So, I learned about that. Found out my current software program does not allow for soft-proofing. There is no work-around for it, either. After spending hours and hours reading, tracking down other areas to study up on, downloading an ICC file and installing it where it needs to be in said software, then finding it can't be used...frustrating. Learning should be fun--and lead to something tangible. A headache is tangible, I suppose.

Which leads me to the Chaos. I have too many files on my computer, which clogs it up and makes it slow. I can't run more than two apps without the machine getting slow and crashing. Can't listen to music while working on graphics, which is something I love to do, as it gets my mind out of the way for the creative rush of images. But, music software and graphics software do not run smoothly together. Break out the CD player/boom box and use that. But, where are the CDs I like to listen to? The ones I've created for my own listening muse? Moved about here and there. Chaos. Nothing is really where it is supposed to be. So disorganized feelings and more frustration.

Change fonts every time I start a new paragraph. Why? This program doesn't hold the font setting. Weird. Another level of confusion to toss onto the pile marked Chaos. If I could simply start at the beginning and move things to where they need to be, where they belong, then I'd be left with simple confusion. Better, by far, than full out Chaos, I'd imagine. Could it be that easy? No. Because I want to work on my projects, not sort and separate life into neatly organized bins and boxes. My office is a mess! I have sorted through so many files and such, and come to the conclusion that they multiply when my back is turned. Insidiously. Just when I think I am getting a handle on things, things move around. Time to toss the dead leaves and old files. Start over. Oh, but this and that and the other might come in handy some day! Can't toss them. It's almost like a birthday or Christmas or 'Ayyam'i'Ha, finding all these old things. They feel new. Bright and shiny. Keep them! Toss them! A brain at war with itself. Not a pretty picture and not an easy environment in which to create. And I'm just looking for one silly note, one reference that might put all this chaos into a more malleable structure.

Instead, there's a frozen feeling to each minute. Should I do this first, or that? Organize my physical files or my computer files? Both? A little at a time? So I drink gallons of ice water and sit in my sweltering office and hack away at the story, the image, the learning. Jumping around and not getting anywhere.

I felt productive the last month or so. Not so much now. Fidgety and flighty now. It's not that bad. It's not that good. It's a matter of figuring out how to get it all under control. Mine. My control. I need a plan and a schedule--and a bit of meditation wherein concrete ideas can float across my mind and a sense of "I can do this!" behind the whole organizational process. Bring Chaos down to the level of Confusion, where it might become more manageable. Enough rambling. Time to sort the stacks.

Discovery

2009-09-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

Discovery is a great thing. This past week, I have done a lot of refreshing of my memory at Lulu.com, as well as doing research on other POD sites. I have found another, Blurb, that looks interesting—and with their BookSmart software download, which is free, a lot of excitement surrounding putting together photo books for publication. Maybe I will actually do something with my art photos and graphics that I also generate with them. I spent hours and hours using BookSmart, and enjoyed it. So, now, I have Lulu and Blurb to work with. No excuses for not getting things done!

Also, my current collection of short stories is still in progress. It is with “my” editor, who is bogged down with a zillion projects that are also consuming vast amounts of time. Which gives me a bit of a breather in order to work out the cover design for the book, as well as a title, which it still sadly lacks. I may add more to this blog later on, but for right now, that's where I'm at. Besides having too many thoughts flying around inside my head to keep up with. I have an editing group going on today that I need to prepare for, sit that is why this is so short. Not enough time in a day...as usual.

But I do want to leave with one final thought: today is 11 September 09. It has been eight years since the Towers were destroyed. Hate is such an insidious thing. We get caught up in it at our own peril—and the peril of others. I have noticed, in recent months, how much hate and invective is spewing forth in our own country these days. Talk show hosts and television wags dump vitriol out there, one side bashing the other in a continuous stream of one-upsmanship and blame-gaming. Even, and especially, before gathering the facts and getting to the truth of the situation. Politics has become so divisive that there is talk of potential riots in the streets of this country. We came together, for a short time, as a nation—a world—after 9/11. We can do it again. Just leave all the jargon and hate-mongering aside. Put down the old and tired ranting, the outworn shibboleths of our ancestors, and join in this prayer:

“O Thou kind Lord! This gathering is turning to Thee. These hearts are radiant with Thy love. These minds and spirits are exhilarated by the message of Thy glad-tidings. O God! Let this American democracy become glorious in spiritual degrees even as it has aspired to material degrees, and render this just government victorious. Confirm this revered nation to upraise the standard of the oneness of humanity, to promulgate the Most Great Peace, to become thereby most glorious and praiseworthy among all the nations of the world. O God! This American nation is worthy of Thy favors and is deserving of Thy mercy. Make it precious and near to Thee through Thy bounty and bestowal.” - 'Abdu'l-Bahá

And when we are done praying for this Blessed country, let's not pick up hate and anger again, but, instead, educate ourselves—dig deep for the truth and let that be your guide. Then pray for the whole world. If we try, I believe we can discover love enough to circle the globe with our prayers. We all need prayers, right?

Another Day, Another…blog?

2009-08-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

I didn't know that goodreads had a blog option. I didn't use goodreads for more than tracking the reading of friends as well as my own reading. (My "to read" list has gotten rather large!) This is something new to learn. Maybe I will keep up with it. At least, something to think about.

So, for my first entry (on goodreads), the good/bad news. I just sent my mostly formatted completely self-edited manuscript (meaning as clean as I could make it re: errors, story flow, etc.) off to my editor. Is it normal to come to the end of a project and decide, unreservedly, that you hate your work, you may never write again, and it's all a sham. Or, that I am a sham? The "mostly formatted" part comes from fighting with my word processing program--trying to get it to take my formatting over what *it* thinks is the best way to do things. Sigh. That, I can (almost?) deal with.

The other part, hating my work, is strange. I didn't want to edit my stories at all. Never really did more than talk about collecting them into an anthology to publish. When I did finally sit down (after getting fired up from editing my friend's THIRD collection) I was actually enjoying the process. Some of the stories were older--from several years ago. Fresh eyes on the work. Fresh ideas on making them better. Many of the stories were, to me, actually pretty well written and fun/interesting. Wow! Did I write that???

After hours and hours and hours...you get the point...of editing, then the formatting, I feel like I should forget it. I'm a fraud. I can't write. Failure. So, I'm going to take this as just a let down from the intensive editing marathon I've been on and believe it will pass. Move on to another project and take several deep breaths. I'm sure I'm not the only struggling writer who has hit this sort of wall. It just seems rather strange. Guess I was hoping for a very large sigh of relief and a sense of accomplishment. Maybe that will come later. Like, when my intrepid editor starts sending me glowing reviews of my work? Hey, a girl can dream, right?

Now that I have written this, I think I'll copy it to my website, since I have been neglecting that again. Kill two birds with one stone...

Well, this was fun!,/p>

Shadowlands

2009-08-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

Time to do a little maintenance and see if I have any brain cells left… Nope, still empty. They ooze out with the heat. Projects: on hold, moving slowly. Making lists. Dealing with summer. That's always hard, summer. Schedules get knocked off track—okay, never was much of one to keep to a schedule, but if I had one, summer would sure dislocate it. That's more in keeping with reality, at any rate.

This morning I spent about three hours at a workshop on the concept of consecration. Consecration: solemn commitment of your life or your time to some cherished purpose (to a service or a goal). That's the definition that I'm going with for the purposes of this blog. It is a workshop being developed by friends—I was a beta-tester, along with two others. I'm looking forward to seeing how this all develops and being a participant. More important, I'm looking forward to shaking it out and seeing how I can get what I've just learned to fall into place in my life as it stands right now. I have things to do—that are not getting done. Why? Find the answers, move forward.

I feel energized today. Have not felt that way in ages. Maybe the veil is lifting and the past is shifting out of the way. It has been a long seven months of illness and testing. A few more tests to go, but so be it. Thus far, all tests come back normal/positive so I can stop worrying. Not that I was overly worried to begin with, but all that running from one specialist to another for this and that drains time, energy, resources. Makes me a bit jumpy. Maybe I can find a way to let all that "stuff" flow past me as I get on with other things? Let it happen around me but connect the core of myself elsewhere? An interesting concept. Abdu'l-Baha says: "Know thou that the Kingdom is the real world, and this nether place is only its shadow stretching out. A shadow hath no life of its own; its existence is only a fantasy, and nothing more; it is but images reflected in water, and seeming as pictures to the eye."

Whilst at the workshop this morning, I had a few wandering thoughts having to do with reality—or Reality. Mostly disjointed but leaving me feeling on the edge of a realization, giddy and ready to fly. First, the thought: Don't confuse me with the facts. Which lead to; The physical is NOT the fact of reality = it is the confusion of Reality = the "static" that surrounds us (physical reality) = is THE TEST we journey through to get to the Divine matrix = we actually live *within* that matrix (see quote above) but we forget it as we get caught up in the physicality of life. Anyway, it's a start. Something to give some thought to as I move forward.

Revisiting

2009-06-13T14:51:00.001-07:00

I am in the midst of explaining how to set up a little website on blogger.com to a friend and check in at my own site just to refresh my memory. Duh! I have not been here since mid-November—the Nano days.

Nano went just fine. If you call getting the wordcount but no real novel fine. I can't even remember what I wrote this year. Oh, wait, it was some angsty thing about making life choices. Yeah, that's what it was. I will add it to the stack of other unfinshed works that I will "get back to later" just as soon as life allows me or I get organized enough or I hit my stride or blah blah blah. Still having a bit of trouble with that whole disciplined artist thing.

Which brings me to my next phase—I am actually working on organizing my over 25,000 photographs that reside in the hallowed inner workings of my computer. Yes, 25K is a bit excessive; especially when the VAST majority of them are not likely to ever see the light of day. Snapshot quality photos do not make for interesting subject material, except when you want to embarrass one child or another and show the latest (or earliest) clicks from Christmas or birthday parties or whatever. But, I do have some pretty good shots that have potential. I have actually polished a few up, as well as doing a bit of graphic work on them—then loaded them up at http://SMicheleSmith.imagekind.com/ which is a pretty good place to be. Though I have not spent a lot of time working on that, either. Need to get busy!

I guess I lost my stride completely after I had the heart attack. Yep, that was fun. First there was Nano, then the whole December holidays thing then BANG! have a bit of a heart attack. From that, I went into a really nasty depression—that I have since learned is "normal" after surviving a heart attack. Gee, wish they would have told me back several months ago. Maybe I could have done something more, I don't know, intelligent about it? Bet that as it may, I finally got bored with being depressed—than you God! But I still didn't get up a lot of steam for getting things done. And the RA seems to have flared even worse since the attack and I'm thinking some of the meds they put me on may be contributing to that whole mess. And having to pay through the nose and all other orifices for the medical bills has put me in a funk on top of all that. I am ever grateful that there was insurance to cover a lot of it, but these co-pays and the number of doctors and specialists and etc etc etc that have inserted their hands into the bank account is staggering. Hospitalists? Who's ever heard of those??? Well, now I have…and it's not good news for folks who don't have large incomes and endless resources. A five day stay in the hospital brings these hospitalists out of the woodwork and they charge hefty fees to spend a few minutes telling you nothing and scaring you silly. That's a whole other story. Suffice to say, I'm grateful to be here and now I'm hoping to actually get serious about my work and my life again. Or finally?

Where I'd rather be...

2008-11-16T16:59:00.000-08:00

Halfway through the month, another NaNoWriMo effort underway. I'm way behind but making progress, if you call what I'm doing progress. I should be over 26,000 words by now. I just broke the 13K mark. My goal is to make it up this week. If I can. I my fingers hold out that long. I may switch over to using Dragon for the next few days and see how that goes. How it will impact my word count and the pain in my hand. We'll see. I like to type. Close my eyes and type.

My last three NaNo efforts still languish in limbo. I have yet to dust them off and look at them for any potential they may have. And I've actually been considering that--seriously. Editing may not be my strong point, but why not? What have I got to lose? Dignity, maybe. Looking back at those past efforts could cost me a lot of that--especially if they are as bad as I recall them being. But, even if I could salvage a chapter here or there? It could be worth the effort just to see if my writing has grown, if my skills have picked up any along the way. Then again, it might be an exercise in futility. Won't know until I try.

But, for today, I've gotten almost 3K new words to add the the current mess and if I keep going, I may make it to the finish line after all. My heart has not been in it this year. Not sure why, just has not been there. Still working with the same two characters I started with. No one new has shown up, no real plot has materialised, no over-arching theme. However, that is the point of the whole challenge. Type. Type fast. Type for fun. Just let go and move along. Okay. But I'm brain fried right now. I'll get there in bits and spurts and let this one collect a bit of dust as well. But this year, I'd really like to take a look at what's gone before and see what I can make of them. If nothing else, I'll have learned something, eh? For right now, I'd like to curl up in front of a blazing fire with a cup of hot cocoa and just stare into the flames. Maybe they can tell me something...

w.bloggar Test

2008-10-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

This is a test. I am trying out a new program--new to me, at any rate--called w.bloggar. My friend, Steve, told me about it. This is a test to see if it will work or not. According to my source, I should be able to use this program to write and publish blogs to my blog site without having to sign into that account. That would be wonderful! We'll see how it works--and whether or not I can use it with my other blogs. Or, should I just dump those other blogs? Hm....it's not like I use them that much anyway. Or this one. But, I can do better. That's what I keep telling myself, at any rate.

I have just discovered that I can't insert an image simply by clicking on the icon. It does not give me the option of browsing through my image files on my hard drive. Interesting. I need to study on this. Lots to learn. But, this is a test run. I will let you know how it goes as I figure it out.

Why Write?

2008-10-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

The question has been put out—why do I write? What is the reasoning behind the words spilling out onto the page? I don't know. Most of the time. Sometimes I do know. Sometimes it's no more or less than to untangle the thoughts jumbling about in my mind. Sometimes it's to slow down the thinking process itself. To make sense of it. Other times, it's about a dream I've had. Working through it and trying to make it fit into a semblance of—what? How it fits into my life? Normalcy? Most of the time, though, I think I write to make sense of everything. And especially the foreign landscape that is my soul.

At the heart of the matter, my heart, not everything makes sense. Sometimes, hardly anything makes sense. There is a straight path that I try to walk. Not always successfully, I must say. The struggle is there. I walk it as best I can. When things become—twisted?—and messed up, then I write. Making stories out of happenings that seem strange. Making stories out of things from a distant past—that does not stay in the distance. Resolutions. Those stories are sometimes resolutions. Other times they are just stories made up of the bits and pieces that wash up at my feet from other lives—or others' lives. Making stories out of the ebb and flow of life as it sweeps me along. Washed up. Washed away. Life is nothing if it is not ebb and flow. There, in the waters, are reflections of alien-ness. What seemed certain only yesterday has become unclear. I write to clarify it. Make it certain again. Or, at the very least, bring understanding to the uncertainty. I write to let go of the pain of experience. To find beauty in the struggle. Writing a story here and there of things that are, at their very core, incomprehensible.

In everything I write, there are pieces of the real rather than the purely imagined. Each story starts out with a piece—perhaps very small—of a truth. Mine, yours, ours. Somewhere someone may have experienced this piece of life. Where it goes from there is where my understanding takes it. Or my attempt at understanding. Some of these stories contain more reality than others. Of course I've never been visited by aliens. But there was that time, when I was younger, that I wished aliens *would* visit me—and take me away with them. And what would that look like? And why would it look like that?

And what better way to try and understand someone else's truth than to write about it—try to become that person for a time. At its worst, the story falls apart because the understanding just won't come. Ah, but when it does come, then things fall into place a bit more. I can almost see through those "other" eyes. Feel with those "other" feelings. To know, almost, what it might be like to *be like* that person in that situation. And how would I have done things differently? I've learned what it feels like to hate with unbridled passion. To be a zealot, a coward, a saint, a thief, a liar…all by shifting my view to that of an alien landscape—and find small pieces of myself in those others. What must it feel like to *be* that person for a small while? Those exercises may or may not reaffirm that the path I have chosen is the right path—at least right for me. Or reaffirm that this other path is too full of hate and unreason that it's surprising that anyone could or would choose to live that way. But I can see, if only for a moment, why they would. And maybe feel a bit more compassion and tolerance. Maybe. Sometimes I discover that evil is just evil, no matter how it's sugar-coated.

And when I've gone too deeply into this process, there's always the option—these last few years—of taking out my camera and looking through that other lens at what is beautiful. Because with that other lens, I seem to look for symmetry and beauty. Color and light. Another way of seeing things. If my writing takes me down too many dark corridors, then there is this other escape into sunlight—where the shadows can't always vie for control of my thoughts. So, I suppose I write to exorcise those demons we all have at one time or another—some more than others. Because, quite honestly at this point in my writing life, the demons want to dance. So, I often let them. And sometimes achieve acceptance, if not understanding.

Now I ask myself: Is this me? one of my characters? or both? Hmmm….yes.

Way Later

2008-09-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

And here I am again. Much has happened and most of it has been energizing--though a bit nerve-wracking. I got started looking at the concept of starting a business. Using my degree in Graphic Arts and my graphics software and my camera. Put them all together and see what I can do. So, here's the final product--thus far: http://smichelesmith.imagekind.com/ and that's just a small start. I'm also going to be working on ideas for CafePress shortly as I want to design smaller pieces and such. Not to mention getting back to my mandalas. But more on that another time--like when I get to that point and actually have something to offer you.

We took a vacation this year. Two, actually. Went back to Arizona and visited friends. Went up to Washington State to visit family. Wonderful! Have not taken a vacation like that in, well, forever. Never, actually. I got a massive amount of photographs going on little side-trips with my sister and her hubby. Beautiful. Sadly, the DVDs that I burned the shots to did not "take" the images so most of them are still sitting up there on their hard drive. Ah, that means another trip to go fetch them! Yes, that's good--another trip is good. LOL

My just paid off Nikon D40X bit the dust shortly after we returned home. Early demise, only a year old. And I was just learning to do wonderful things and getting better at it. But, thank God for warranties! Took the camera in and they traded straight across for a Nikon D60--since they no longer stock the D40X and the D40 would have been a downgrade. And, yes, the new lens that I'm paying on that I got for the D40X fits perfectly on the D60. I'm happy and learning what a great camera it is. And learning...and learning.

So, as you will see when you wander through my galleries at imagekind, I have decided to take a fully professional approach with my work. I'm good at it, so why not *do something with it* as my hubby is always wondering. ;-) I take a *lot* of time and care with each image before I upload it into a gallery. Doing a highly magnified scan of each image searching for dropped pixels is pretty intensive--and makes me wonder if that's how it felt to be in a darkroom with film. My computer has become a digital darkroom, I guess. One dropped pixel can have an impact on a wide area around it. I won't go into all the gory details. Suffice to say it is fixable in most cases, and I'm getting faster at it. It's *really* interesting to zoom in on a shot so that you are at the level of seeing individual pixels of color. It feels like getting lost in an alien landscape. Really! Not that I have to do that with every picture, but sometimes... They all get scanned at 100% zoom, which allows me to see where there might be a problem.

I am becoming intimately familiar with my photos. And it becomes a more personal, deeper, experience when working on those shots that have a connection beyond just taking the shot because it will be a good shot. For example, we went last weekend to visit the wild horses again. We walk around with them and interact with them--keeping in mind that they are *wild* horses and not pets. They don't mind us as long as we maintain proper dignity and respect for their space.

There are far fewer this year than there were last year. They've culled again. We saw about fourteen this time instead of the forty or so from other visits. I did not see Toughie, Aunty Girl, NotsoTough, Little Boy, or any of the others. (Yes, I name them...) I went back into my older image files from those days and looked through them again. I had thought about not using those photographs at imagekind because they will not be large enough to print the very large sizes. But, I decided that they are still good images and a smaller to medium sized print would be fine for lovers of wild horses. So, they are going into the collection as a tribute to Toughie and his band. I will miss him.

Moving right along...

2008-08-15T10:18:00.001-07:00

No, I'm not taking up a musical instrument--though it does sound tempting. Just a dash in, drop the pic--and promise to finish today's blog shortly. Many things happening. Later!

Much later...and more interruptions. I will get back to this. Life sometimes has a way of offering first and second choices. My first choice is to get this finished. But, help is needed elsewhere that takes priority over other choices. So, later it will be, again.

Life it the Fast Lane

2008-04-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

It used to be that joining clubs and organizations kept a lot of people pretty busy trying to keep up. The good thing, in most cases, is that you didn't have to remember a secret handshake or password. In most cases. In our techno-savy world, things have changed. I just spent over an hour rooting out and changing passwords for way too many sites. Did everyone get a computer and promptly sign up for everything on the Internet, or was it just me?

First off, it was time to change all my passwords. I'm sure there are tens, if not thousands, of crackers out there just waiting to hack through my firewall, sandbox, security defenses and whatever else I've got running on my computer to keep the bad guys out and my codes safe and secure. NOT! I don't even pay my bills on-line, let alone bank from the comfort of my four-wheel office chair. I've never trusted cyberspace enough to go digital in all things. But I'd sure hate to have my family and friends receive some slutty e-mail from someone who's managed to hack into one of my on-line e-mail accounts and wreak havoc in my name. A good friend of mine had that happen once. Shocked more than the socks off of several people.

Change your passwords at least once a month is what the pros say. Okay, so I manage to get around to it about once a year—or not. But Internet protection has come a long way since the days of my first computer. My current Virus Protection Plan has a tool bar that sits snugly on my browser bar. It logs all my passwords for whatever sites I have joined, subscribed to, signed up for. A simple two-click process of hitting that menu and clicking on the site I want to log into and there I am. Pretty cool. I no longer have to remember my passwords or do all that logging in and out by keystroke—which keeps me somewhat safe from keystroke hacks. After copying down—pen and paper—all the sites and their passwords, I decided to also change the password that protects my password protection plan. A not-happening event. Seems that though I did remember to write down that particular password—guess you'd call it the Master Password?—the program does not recognize it as valid. I'm looking at the paper, making sure I am reading it right, trying over and over again to get it to take. And sweating bullets that the program will lock me out, do an unarmed takeover of my computer, start a full-scale attack or something, all to keep me safe from my own information—because I've passed the limit of attempts to break into my own system. Thankfully, that did not happen. I just clicked the cancel option and continued on my merry way. Though not quite as merry. However, I had already stripped all the log-in information from the program. Not a problem.

I revisited twelve of the multitudinous sites that I have joined over the years (writers join a lot of sites—it's how we procrastinate) and changed all passwords—while my security system pleasantly asked me if I would like it to record the sign-in information. Well, duh. Isn't that what you're here for? Or do you just take up real estate on my hard drive? That was not the appropriate response. I clicked on "yes" and moved along to the next site. And the next. And the...you get the picture. And that's not even counting the sites that did not make the list! I mean, seriously.

So, as I'm making my way through cyberland, I decided that I don't have to actually sign in to every place I've ever joined—and some places make you sign up just to have a look around. Did I really want to keep my membership? Did I want to keep up with a site that I didn't even remember? Especially the ones who demand that cookies be enabled on my browser?

I don't much like cookies and I sure don't like enabling cookies. As a rule of thumb, I try not to be an enabler. Unless the cookies come well appointed with chocolate chips and tall, cold glasses of milk. Computer cookies are a whole other ballgame. I have recently set my browsing security option to medium—which effectively shuts me down from visiting most sites that require cookies. They, whoever "they" are, want to drop little tracking bots into my computer so they can keep track of where I've been and what I've done while I've been there. The way I see it, calling them cookies is a rather tongue-in-cheek way of telling me that they want to know what I want to know. None of their business. Yeah, I know the so-called business aspects of cookies. If they can track what I'm doing while I'm at "their" site, they can better serve me later. Demographics. Who I am, what I look at, what other sites I might click-through to from their site. And my ISP info. And whatever else they can get out of my surfing. I'm not buying it. If it's a business site, then obviously I'm there to do some sort of business. And they will know what I buy from them when I finish my transaction with them. Unless they are truly stupid and forget to do inventory, charge my credit card, what have you. They don't need to put cookies on my computer to keep track of what I'm doing on their site. Cookies leave crumbs and crumbs muck up my system. Just ask my Virus Protection Plan. It's always telling me I have "potentially" malicious tracking cookies gumming up the works.

As for sites that don't offer anything other than information, it would be obvious, one would think, that I visited their site because I was looking for the information they have on it. Duh. Don't tell me that your cute little cookies are to better serve me later. It is an invasion of my privacy. Besides, as I said, I don't buy on-line very often at all. I may do some comparison shopping, but I rarely will do a transaction. Call me paranoid.

So, after changing all the passwords I felt inclined to change and refusing to sign in again to those places that wanted to drop cookies into my system, the world—my world—is a safer place again. Now, if these earthquakes would just stop...

Life and Learning

2008-04-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

I have sent an e-mail to a few people about this lecture I watched yesterday--I want to share it with a lot of people. So, I decided the best way to go about it is to mention it here for anybody who might read this blog. Here's the scoop:

My daughter told me about this professor, Randy Pausch, who gave his last lecture--something that profs do at Carnegie Mellon University. The twist on this is that the man, Randy Pausch, is actually dying--and he was only 47 when he was told he had only a few months left to live. It's a very good lecture--has little to do with death and more to do with realizing your dreams and your life potential. Also, he's involved in a program that takes a special interest in young girls and women going into the computer field--specifically virutual reality and computer animation. So, the team at Carnegie Mellon developed a program called Alice, that is more a game and interactive environment that makes learning fun. It's also free. I thought you might like to take a look at it and maybe your children might be interested in the Alice program. I downloaded it and played with it a bit yesterday and it really is fun! I made an ice skater do a spin. lol But, if your kids are at all interested in computer animation and want to "play" while they learn, take a look at it. Even if they aren't interested, they might find it fun and end up becoming interested. Who knows?

Here's the site where I watched The Last Lecture:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5700431505846055184

Here is the site for the Alice programs:

http://www.alice.org/

The Last Lecture is about life, not death. It's about dreams and getting to them. It's about success and failure and how we can learn more from our failures than our successes. It's a great and humorous look at how we live our lives. Take a look and have fun. And if you think it is something your children or anyone else might be interested in, talk to the schools and tell them about it.

Crux

2008-04-24T15:26:00.001-07:00

I sit staring at the screen, locked in frozen admiration for the words not yet planted firmly in their place. Where are those words? What has become of them? My hands rest above the keyboard, ready to let fly with even the vaguest of notions. Where are the notions? Is this the dreaded writers' block that so many talk about? Isn't talking about it writing? Well, isn't it? Should I talk about the block? Talk around the block? Over or under?

Take a walk, instead. My mind is drained of, empty of, without thought of words. Words. Build with them, destroy with them. Tear down and recreate with them. Words have power to do either thing—build or destroy. Which will it be today? I am empty of meaning and without concern for the outcome. Just plug the words in any which way and see where they go. Nowhere. They go nowhere. It makes me angry that they go nowhere. Why angry? What is the point? Get a grip and just let them fly. Freedom of restraint and freedom to choose. My mind has hit a brick wall of indifference. Thoughts do not come readily to the equation. And why should I care? What does it mean that I seem unable to form a coherent story in my mind or out of it?

Lying in bed—or is it laying in bed? Either way, in those cool dark hours of twilight when the mind rambles between dream and reality, thoughts come unbidden and flow out unstopped into—nothing. There is no page to catch those thoughts. Those bursts of stories that seep out in the dark. Where is my pen? Beside the notepad on the table next to my pillow. Just there. If I reach for it, that little nudge of conscious effort shoves the words out of mind, out of sight, off the page. They spill onto the floor and skitter under the bed, playthings to the dust bunnies living there. New friends and old gather together as the dust bunnies laugh at my plight. What will she do? What will she do? She will turn over and go back to full sleep and let the words spill where they may.

Dreams are better, anyway. Dreams and more dreams shuffle around in my half-awake state, taunting me with their insanity and pulling me deeper into the crux of the matter. Crux. What a strange word. The crux of…life. The cross I bear. Weariness clamps its slimy fingers around my last coherent thought and I drift closer to the rocks and cliffs, waiting to be pounded down and out. I can't climb high enough for freedom, there is no purchase for my fingers to grab onto. I slip and slide back down into the darkness of cool shadows and lapping water. Whose dream is this, anyway? Why are there so many questions? and so few answers? Write the damned letter. Get it done. Unblock the flow of words and let them falter around in the dark where what? What happens in the darksome night of despair where angels fear to tread? And why do angels fear the treading? Ha! They don't.

Anger rises inside my gut, making me queasy. Anger that words no longer come to me unbidden. Pulling them out of my brain is painful. Let it go! Leave it alone. They will come when they want. But that is not good enough. I want them NOW! Not in their own good time. Now, when I am awake. Not at night when the slightest movement puts them to flight. I want the sweet flow of words in the daylight hours when I can see them and measure them and taste them with my mind and feel them with my fingers as they leap onto the page, fingers flying to keep up. I want them beating down the doors and storming the castle. Not all stopped up. Not under the bed hiding with the dust bunnies in the carpet. Not sliding under my pillow and away from my attempts to capture them and put them onto a page in the midnight hours where all the good ideas hide. Midnight madness, that's it. Only when drifting and letting go do the words come—unbidden—carrying a narrow horizon, a thin line between the writer and the dream.

I don't know much...

2008-04-02T08:24:00.001-07:00

except that learning is a process. And a slow one, at times. I think I have forgotten most of what I learned. Maybe that's not right. It's not that I have forgotten, just that things have changed so much since I finished college in 2002. That's it. The changes. My wonderful little degree did not come with a warning or a disclaimer. Something that said: "Hey! Be aware that all this technology that you studied will not be the same from one year to the next. From one month to the next. It will change faster than you can keep up with it--unless that's *all* you do is keep up with it." Forwarned is money in the bank. Or not. I probably would still have taken the same degree because part of what I loved about the whole world of computers and graphics was that very idea of change. That nothing stayed the same. I'm a restless person. I need change and movement. But yesterday showed me how far behind I have gotten over the years of raising children and having a life other than that of a true geek.

I used to think I was a real geek. The geekiest of them all in geek world. HA! I think I'm just a geek wannabe at heart. Or just maybe the biggest geek in my family. I did not keep up. I did other things that, retrospectively, were more important than keeping up with the world of computer tech. And I don't regret it. What I regret is that things changed so fast. Too fast for me to keep up and still do everything else that needed doing. Choices are made. I don't regret the choices. But have you ever gotten whiplash of the brain? Well, I did that yesterday. I'm trying to think things through, learn what I need to know to do what I need to do. All the new words and new concepts and new new new. That's okay. I can do it. Indeed I can. It will just take some time. A bit more than I had thought. But it is doable and I can learn what I need to know. And I have to thank my friend, Steve for all the pointers in the right direction. Yes, the reading and comparing and picking through all that information was tough, but it did not make me lose heart. It was encouraging to know how much, in all this, I actually remembered after all. So, while things change there will be room to grow. It's when things don't change we stagnate. Have a great day!

Another day, another accomplishment?

2008-03-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

Checking in. Updating. Getting things done in an untimely fashion. There are too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. Doesn't everyone say that? Well, it must be true, then. Back to the blog world. See if I can keep up with it these days. Maybe I will use it for my morning pages--that idea from the writer of The Artist's Way (Julia Cameron). We'll see how that goes. But, since this is now my domain, I suppose I can do whatever I want with it. Nice to own my own name finally. It took a couple of years to get to it, since someone else was already using it. Hello, world! It's me. Now, back to work, back to writing, back to thinking about everything I need to get done that I am not doing because I'm playing around in here. But, play is good, right? Have fun, world!

WIE7 Update

2006-11-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, it was not the IE7 that was moving so slowly but this site, itself. Seems there was trouble in paradise with the server and, after fiddling around in here and finally giving up with the possibility of just chucking IE7 and going back to IE6, if that's possible, I got a wonderfully helpful screen that informed me there was sludge in the works here at Blogger. Even with the sludge one finds out and about in cyberland, it's still better than not having it at all. Considering all the things that can, and sometimes do, go wrong, it's still a wonderful tool. I love the Internet, my computer, all the software I have loaded onto it, and the options--which boggle the mind. Had I been born into all this, I probably would not feel so amazed. I like that feeling of enchantment when I'm pounding the keyboard and slurfing around the 'net. It's wonderful! So, apologies to IE7. I love the new tabs option!!! Makes working around and researching so much better--without all the zillion windows across the bottom of the tray. Yeah!

WIE7 Rant

2006-11-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

Here's the deal: I got a pop-up message today that I needed to upgrade my IE from 6 to 7. So, I did. Now the darned thing is moving as slow as frozen honey. I am not pleased. IE6 was just fine and certainly moved a heck of a lot faster. I still miss my Windows98, too! Why can't improvements in the world of computing truly be improvements rather than a way for someone to get richer off the rest of us who just want to write or do a few odds and ends out there in the world without having to upgrade all the time just to get tech support for the programs that we want to use? ARGH!

Welcome to Gmail

2006-09-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I started this post. Anybody's guess is as good as mine--maybe better. However, I do love my gmail, despite the spoof I wrote about it long ago. ;-) So, if you don't have a gmail account yet, then send me a message and I'll send you an invite. Also, they have all sorts of new (old by not?) ways to play. There's google docs&spreadsheets, which have become an invaluable tool as I pound my way through my second NaNoWriMo attempt. At the end of each writing session, I upload my latest installments to the docs area for safe keeping. However, things being as they are in the world of cyberspace, I still back it up on my little U3 flashy drive thing. Okay, so I don't know the lingo very well, but I've finaly remembered to save save save! About time, I'd say.

Welcome to Gmail

Procrastination...

2006-01-11T14:36:00.000-08:00

Seems I will do anything to keep from writing today...play with my flickr pictures, update my blog. Okay, so this is updated now, right? No? Who cares? I am floating in tea--having drunk as much as I can just to keep busy doing something, making tea. Maybe I should have one of my characters in my new (???) novel make tea! Hey, there's an idea. Life is moving along, the new year has started and things are just as usual, mostly. It's cold, another storm is supposed to be blowing in. It was so strange to go downtown on 31 December 2005 and see all the lovely places that I've been taking pictures of under water from the year-end flooding. Very different texture to life there when the sandbags are mounting and the water is rising. Even closed the theater, much to the disappointment of the kids. They all wanted to go see a movie. Ah, well...another time perhaps. It was cold, wet, rainy/snowy and blustery all around. The pictures turned out all right. Can't say great because there was too much cold/grey all around. Not much light and color. Pigeons were still out in large numbers for such a day. Wonder....maybe they really don't have anyplace else to go? They sure looked cold. Ah, more pigeon pictures to add to the collection.

Thursday is the writers' group meeting again. It's nice, quiet. Sometimes my brain works and sometimes it just stays frozen. I have been reading a lot lately, trying to get a feel for how a person sits down and actually writes a book. Have I learned anything? Nope. I just know it seems easier than it is...the words on pages turned one after another. Of course, if the book does not capture/hold the interest of the reader, then I guess that's a whole other thing. I try to read books that are captivating regardless of genre. I'm a cross-reader. LOL Mysteries, fantasy, scifi, etc. can all pull me in if they are well written. But, what is well-written to one person's mind is not to another's. Just depends on what you like, obviously. I like them all, mostly. Don't much like gory, erotica, horror, vampire, that sort of thing, though. Okay, so I guess I do have tastes leaning more one way than another. Nice to know. Makes it easier when I go to the library.

Enough! Time to get to work, seriously.

Neglected Blog...

2005-12-13T09:27:00.000-08:00

I have sadly neglected my blog over the past several weeks. That's okay because there is no law, that I am aware of, that says I *have* to post here every day. Though it would be nice. I made the word count with the NaNoWriMo challenge and it felt great. Then, the let down. What to do next. I have to leave the novel alone for awhile because, if I were to go back to it now, I would trash it because I have no feelings for it being good. Then again, maybe it has some merit and I just can't see it. So, I'll leave it and work on other things for a time. Today my throat hurts, by body aches, and I have the dry, hacking coughy thing going on. It's miserable and I hope that it goes away very soon as I have way too much to do to be sitting around sick. I don't even feel like sitting at this keyboard right now. So, I'm going to drink my flu remedy and go back to bed. Maybe more sleep will help!? I sure hope so! Bye for now.

2005-11-07T19:12:00.000-08:00

clouds
copyright: S. Michele Smith 2005

Flicker...

2005-10-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

I stand at the shore, waiting
For the gathering storm to gather me in
Taking me beyond myself and this non-life
That I live, tucking pieces of you behind my ear

Your image flickers in and out of my heart
Like autumn leaves scattered in the wind
Carried beyond my reach by a fickle gust
Eddying around my feet as waves lap gently

When all is said and done
We will have moved past this waiting game
The shame of our lives lived and lost
Tossed up into piles of wreckage, bone dry

Nothing will be left of us in the dust
Not a trace of longing or searching or being
Just as grains of sand trade places
When the storm has passed

Copyright: 7 October 2005 S.M.S.

Nevermore...

2005-10-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

The killing field is draped in white.
Suction jar awaiting the fruit of your womb,
a little glass tomb. They say
the altitude is too high
so we’ll send you down,
down into the valley,
where you will not bleed unduly
from this extraction of life.
But you squeeze tears
behind tight shut lids,
and step down from the death trap,
alone. Your hospital gown drapes shut
behind you. This is a mistake,
and you leave to grieve
over a life that won’t end
on this day.
Far away months flow by,
and we gather to hear
a newborn’s cry…
because you left the killing field.

Copyright: 10 October 2005 S.M.S.

Today and again...

2005-10-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

It's cold today. My fingers are frozen even though the heat is on. So, it must be an internal cold or something. There are some very interesting blogs out there. I spent some time yesterday just wandering through blog-land and seeing what others are up to. Blogs from all over the world! Judging only from pictures posted and various other cues, people are people all over the place. Of course, I've always believed/known that, but it was fun looking at all the various pictures people have put up in their blogs. The poses are so similar--in family shots, vacation shots, sports shots, even animal shots. We are one people in this world with the same needs, desires, urgencies. Wandering through blogs only heightens the experience of knowing that it's a big world out there, but only one family--human. This quote comes to mind: "Take pride not in love for yourselves but in love for your fellow-creatures. Glory not in love for your country, but in love for all mankind." (Tablets of Baha'u'llah, p. 138) Ah, if we could all just hold to that thought. Bless you all out there!

BBC - Press Office - George Bush on Elusive Peace

2005-10-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

What about the separation of church and state? ;-)

BBC - Press Office - George Bush on Elusive Peace

Sometimes...

2005-10-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

losing your mind is a choice. I remember a friend, K. M., who had bouts of insanity. She would hallucinate and do strange things. She had kids, a husband, and a fairly nice house. All the trappings of life. But, every once in a while, she would just check out. I asked her about it once. She said that she did it so she could get away from her responsibilities. She didn’t seem to like “all the trappings” of the life she had. She said it was a choice she made. She could stick it out, or check out. So, she would decide to get crazy and get herself checked into an asylum. She’d go there and get medicated to the gills, stay there for a while, then come home again. She said she did it on purpose, and that it was a cheap vacation, but the food was lousy. A paid vacation of sorts. But, the food was tolerable because of the meds. Seems like a sad thing to do, leaving everyone behind while you have a vacation from your reality. Thinking about it, it seems to me that she had to have been a bit crazy to make a choice like that. If life got so tough that she needed to check out, then there must have been underlying mental instability to begin with? This is not a judgment. I never understood her reasoning—though I do know how it feels to want to take a vacation from the every-day realities of life. I just don’t think I’d want to go to those places in order to get away.

Return of the blog...

2005-10-04T15:57:00.000-07:00

My main blog is back again. How nice! I have decided to keep writing all my blog stuff as Word docs then publish them to the site. That way, if it all crashes again, at least I’ll have the original posts in case I feel like rebuilding. Provided I get around to saving all this drivel to CDs in case the computer blows. Nope, still haven’t learned life’s hard lessons regarding computers. Procrastination! Still a couple of blogs (picture sites) missing, but I have all the pics so can redo if I feel so inclined. Doubt that I will at this point. I do have new pics that need posting to share. That will come in time.

Today is a lazy sort of day. Finally answered a couple of e-mails that have been sitting around for a few weeks. Yesterday I spoke to someone who has some authority regarding T’s situation. Found out that the person who has been telling me Mr. X has not been available, Mr. X has been sick, Mr. X blahblahblah, has not, in fact, spoken to Mr. X at all! The case was supposed to have been transferred at least four weeks ago, since it has been in the works for almost two months. Mr. X told me that he hadn’t even received notice until last week. Lots of run around with no forward motion. So, Mr. X was filled in on the situation and was a bit chagrinned that nothing had been done. It looks like there will finally be some progress and T will finally get the services he needs—and I will probably have to file a complaint regarding the whole fiasco. Why do service providers, or those who work in the human service sector, not seem to care too much these days about their clients? This has been an on-going problem for the past two years involving several people. It would not be so bad had we not found out that we have been being lied to. That’s the rub. Anyway, now we move forward.

Plans for this coming week are to: organize the living situation, sort more boxes, create a better working environment. Should keep me out of trouble for a few days.

Here we are, home at last...

2005-10-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

Well, seems that most of the missing blogs have been restored--but still no explanation as to why they vanished in the first place. Curiouser and curiouser.

Ladan...

2005-08-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

If you go to a certain blog you will read the story of Ladan. It is not an urban legend, a myth, no one is asking for money. I know Doris, who knows and visits Ladan. It is an incredible story of human strength, courage, sacrifice...all the attributes that make a frail human more Godlike in their doings. It is a sad story, a story that makes us scratch our heads in wonderment at the doings of the universe. A story that, for me, raises questions about fairness and justice and mercy. Questions that are not easily answered in cases like these. God, in His infinite wisdom, knows what He is about. It is not up to us to question His doings...only to accept and radiently acquiesce. Ah, the key to survival, the key to being a spiritual being having an earthly experience. A test.

Please read Ladan's story and offer prayers for her and her family. It doesn't matter if you know her or not--God knows who she is and that's what matters. And, please, pass this message along to everyone you know and ask them to pray, too. Together we can make a difference. Do you need prayers? Send me a message--I don't have to know you, only that you need prayers. You'll get them, I promise.

A Decision is Made...

2005-08-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

A blog from awhile back (Moving and Shaking...) discussed cross-roads and small town living. The road has been crossed and it appears that the trail will now lead to city living--though barely. The move will happen in about two weeks and it will not be fun. Too much to do and not enough time to do it. Hubby starts the new job tomorrow, so son and I are on our own again. Sigh. He's going up to stay in the city during the week--so we get to deal with the sorting and packing. Ah, well...

Looking for a place to live was a major pain! Some places would take dogs, but not cats. Others took cats, but not dogs. Others said no pets at all--even though they advertised as pet friendly. One place was a dream house--with a bit too steep a price tag. We could have done it, but it would have been a real stretch. The final factor on that one was that son needs a place not so far out from the city proper in order to get the services he needs. So, the search continued. One of the places was advertised as "four bedroom Victorian close to University" and maybe is was. The only thing we could determine that was Victorian about it was the era in which is was built. Beyond that, there was no resemblance at all. Though all pets were acceptable and it was very close to the new job, we hesitated... Very run down with a high rental price. Out of desperation, we called on a double-wide later that evening--made an appointment to go check it out. Never say "I'll never..." because the powers that be might have other plans--like making you eat your words. So, we check out the place. It's really cute! Way smaller than what we wanted, and I'll have to give up my art studio... But, it's liveable. A 2003 model on a cement pad. Sunny and bright, all pets welcome, etc. Okay, so we can't get in until 1 September, which is why hubby has to commute. There are trade-offs. Not enough time to spend searching the globe for a place and searching is very tiring--especially in the city. Actually, the place is not in the city itself, which is another good point. LOL But, it is close enough to make it just like living in the big city--we will be about seven miles from downtown. Cool enough, right?

So, while I said I felt like it was time to move, that may have been off the mark a bit. It was time to think about moving so I jumped the gun and "felt" like moving. There is a difference. Now the reality has set in along with the realization that moving is not really my cup of tea anymore. Just wanted hubby to be able to find a job in which he could feel comfortable and settled. The one position he was offered is just not his field and he was anxious about doing it. Yes, we could have stayed here, but teaching is already stressful enough without adding to it the fact that you are out of your element. The other position, while it means having to move, is a fit--it is the subject area he is trained in. Sometimes the universe conspires to send us where we may be of use, rather than letting us stay in our comfort zones. That's okay, too. Perhaps it was just too comfortable here? Who knows why things happen the way they do. Isn't part of life trying to figure it all out? Catching the next wave and seeing where you land? Well, it's time to wax my board, er, pack some more boxes...

Measuring a life...

2005-08-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

I send shafts of life shooting into the world
And you send them back to me, the pure light
From the prism of your heart, neatly bundled
Into bits and pieces of your reality, tidy.

Some things in life are unalterable: the wind chasing across the plains, the first snowfall of winter, and the first flowers in spring, the rising and setting of the sun. These are things that chart the ebb an flow of life. They blend together in movement with the stars. Fixed courses stitching together the fabric of our lives. They become backdrop against which our existence becomes three dimensional, giving color and substance to the time-line that stretches out before us.

These are the things that give credence and beauty to our space in time. We remember things, as they balance against the happenings of immutable purpose: when the snow came and we laughed and played--drinking hot cocoa by the fire; the time we felt the sunset was painted by the hand of God Himself; when the wind streamed through our hair--until it gusted so hard it knocked over the telephone pole down the lane. These things become yardsticks by which we measure the events of our lives.

These yardsticks, little ticks of time, have no reality without our acknowledgement. They exist of and by themselves, without thought or care for the acts of mortals. They exist beyond our existence, without mercy or compassion. The snow falls. The sun sets. The wind blows. Events that have no substance until we translate them into our lives. It is our perceptions of them that gives them meaning.

But what of our mercy and compassion When we rub up against the hard edges of another's reality, how do we translate it? Do we glibly put aside our own weaknesses and stand in judgment of the character flaws we perceive in others? Or do we cast a sin-covering eye, knowing that each life is sacred and must walk a mystical path in a physical plane? Is the hard edge of perception of our own devising, something we assume to be as measured against the rules and restraints we place on the souls of others? Who gave us the right to determine the value of another's character based on the mirror of our own heart?

If I cast my gaze upon you, and find you lacking, perhaps it is more a lack in myself that I see--the reflection of my own idiosyncrasies. There is no doubt that there are times when we miss-speak, react in anger, or just throw caution to the wind. But, overall, don't we strive to assume the trappings of civility? Don't we attempt to put our best foot forward? And if not, why not?

If we feel the freedom within ourselves to stand in judgment of others, we effectively cut ourselves off from any beauty inherent in that other. We lock ourselves into perceiving the foreign-ness rather than the similarities. We warp ourselves into a rigid form that sees only through a prism of narrow reality--a reality that can not or will not accept the rich textures that shape each individual life. In so doing, we lose the ability to learn, to grow.

This process of development, of personal growth, can not be measured by the changing of the tides or the rising and setting of the sun. These are natural elements, whose occurrence can enrich us. They are not the measure of a person's worth, nor do they determine the reality of a soul.

It is our ability to overcome our differences, to see within, and not cast judgment--to look at each other with mercy, compassion, forgiveness, that will determine how much value we have gained in our own lives. To hold up our way as the only right way places a burden on our own ability to view the world as a spiritual place, a place of reason, trust, and decency. My perception of you can not be clouded by my personal experiences. This does not discount the fact that there are wounded souls who have no other thought but to cause harm to others. These do exist. But, in the day to day living of life, the majority of people need only to be measured by the rule of compassion. In so doing, there will be gems of wisdom to be gleaned.

One of the greatest gifts that you can give another is to look at them and reflect only love.

Missing rings...

2005-07-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

Love Lies Bleeding...

The emerald ring is missing
passed from hand to hand
generations of sisterhood spent unwillingly
with only a nod to feined kindness.

Grandmother's ring--
she probably knows where it's at--
but only the thief now claims it.

A sister with a grudge
and a few axes to grind
against the parted sisterhood.

No kind words like honey
dripping from puckered lips
that smack and flap like jarring threads
against wounded hearts.

There is no real love lost
as love lies bleeding at the bottom of the stairs.
I am too tired to climb up them
seeking an atonement that will not be there.

Moving at the speed of light...

2005-07-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

So many things to think about the last few days. Hmmm.....movies&ticket sales. Missing rings. The heat. Moving again. Swimming pools. The heat. Dogs&cats. The heat. Scrambled brains. And did I mention The Heat?

I sit here in front of a fan, because the air-conditioning does not work, thinking about how to cool off. It has been running between 103 to 106 degrees the past week--with no end in sight. This probably balances out the severe and endless cold we had this winter. Do you think things will even out year-round if we just stop bitching about the weather??? It's worth a try. Sure is hot today, though. ;-)

So, we go every Friday afternoon to a convalescent center and have devotional meetings for these people. Most of them are in various stages of Alzheimer’s disease. We read from the different Sacred Writings; the Bible, Qu'ran, Suffi, Bahá'í, Zoroaster, etc. We play music. These people just light up--because of the content and the fact that others are willing to sit with them for a couple of hours and just 'be.' It has been interesting. Their souls are still intact, regardless of what has happened to their minds. I have a theory, though I know it is probably far beyond reality.

There is the one man who carries on conversations, even during the devotions. Doesn't matter if someone is saying a prayer or reading from the texts. Anyway, he just talks about stuff. Just stuff. It makes no sense. But, all his other social cues are right on target. Usually someone responds to him as he carries on these conversations. So, my theory is: perhaps what he is saying actually makes perfect sense. Oliver Sacks has written extensively on people who have undergone brain trauma of varioius kinds. His books are fascinating, so look him up--if this interests you.

There was the story of the man who mistook his wife for a hatrack. The word 'hatrack' in his mind, came to symbolize 'wife' to him. So, what if everything has just shifted? An analogy would be, I suppose, like a computer filing system. There are folders in which you keep your files. Say a given folder WIFE has all the files you associate with that context. WIFE is an image in your mind where you file all things related. Ditto for HORSE, CAR, FOOD, etc. Each folder is an image that then gets linked and associated with all files having to do with that image. Then you have a sudden power surge and some of the folders get shifted--or the contents of the folders get shifted. So, your folder HATRACK now contains all the files associated with 'wife' or most of the files pertaining to the image 'wife'. Since we are both visual and verbal creatures, the shifting of this system would obviously put us out of sync with the rest of the people around us. Therefore, a statement such as "I took my hatrack to dinner last night." would cause those around us to scratch our heads and think we've lost a few bolts.

In reality, we are making perfect sense because, in our personal visual reality, hatrack now equals wife. Nothing has changed insofar as we can see. Which takes me back to the man mentioned above. If his comments are such: "I took the pigs to the dentist and had their cigarettes fitted to their ears. Once I got that done, I went and had a nap with cod filling. For desert I had sand storms on the beach. The weather was quite nice and only pushed the car off the edge." On the face of it, it makes no real sense. But, if we could get into the mind of that individual, if we could see just exactly how the folders and files got shifted, then we could understand him. Of course, that would take a Rosetta stone for every person going through this experience. But, the reason I say all this is because of the social cues.

All gestures and mannerisms pertaining to this man's conversation were on the mark. The intelligence that shows in a person's eyes when engaged in a discussion were there. All the hallmarks of a normal conversation. In his mind, all the associations were right and correct. What he said was exactly what he meant--according to his new filing system. If the picture of 'wife' is now linked permanently to the verbal cue 'hatrack' then hatrack and wife go together. And make sense. It is our inability to understand his new filing system that causes the misunderstanding.

Okay, so this may not make a whole lot of sense on the face of it. Anyway, it's just a theory. If anyone has a spare Rosetta stone laying around that works on the human mind, please let me know as I'd like to borrow it. Thanks!

Moving and Shaking...

2005-07-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

So, I feel like it's time to move, maybe. Small town living is getting old and uninspiring. Yes, there is a lot going on, if you can 'belong' to the community. But, it's hard to wedge one's self into a closed system. That was a problem from the last small community we lived in--even after 15 years we still didn't fit in. Not that we didn't try. But, there is a lot to be said about how people in small towns treat 'foreigners' and a foreigner is anyone that was not born and raised there--doesn't matter where you come from.

So, is it time to try for the anonymity of a larger city? Time to go for the city lights, theater, festivals, free music in the park? Time to find inspiration from blending into a crowd? We are at a crossroads, and crossroads can be tricky to navigate. A major change in life-style can completely unhinge, or it can be just the right touch.

If I had my way, where would I want to live? Let's see, maybe a nice apartment with all the amenities; swimming pool, sauna, exercise room, someone else to do all the yard work. A gated community, perhaps? Feel like living in the lap of civilization for a change? Have neighbors that watch out for each other instead of living in the middle of no where, with few neighbors. It would be very different, that's for sure. Nothing like what we are used to.

I guess the bottom line is that we go anywhere the job is. Right now, we are both unemployed and the job prospects here are not good at all. That's another problem with small towns--employment. Closing down the charter school put a lot of folks out of work. Some of them happily--it was just what they needed, as they said, to move out of their ruts. Others, who had not been planning on any changes, are now in a different kind of rut. The looking-for-work rut. That's not a fun place to be! However, it may be a necessary place to be. The universe sometimes conspires to make us do things we may not want to do--and it usually turns out to be for the best in the end. We have traditionally stayed away from the idea of city living for personal reasons. But, maybe that is an idea whose time is over.

We always thought it would be cheaper to live in a small town. That was one of several reasons we stayed out of cities. However, we do visit cities and end up spending a lot of money when we do. So, if we lived in one, maybe we would be less tempted to spend money. There are all sorts of free things to do in the two cities we are looking at: Festivals and concerts in the parks, places to just walk around and take pictures, lakes and rivers to visit, libraries to wander through, just a plethora of things to do. Maybe the cost of living in a city is off-set by the fact of being there and not having it be a novel thing--where one may be more likely to over-spend during a visit, for instance. Oh, so much to think about.

Plodging along....

2005-07-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

I feel like packing a suitcase or two and heading out to who-knows-where. Just get on a bus and go...all over. Cross the ocean in a cruise ship. Go to Alaska and get out of the heat. Travel, travel, travel. I think I am bored, but there is so much to do! We humans are like that. We take our lives and complicate them all to hell. Boredom is not knowing which step to take next in the process. Write the book, go see the movie, call a friend. What next? Clock in at work and go home, run the rat race, feel bored. What is boredom? Where does it come from? I am inspired but there is so much noise around me that I can't think. Make other people keep silent? How fair is that? Not very. Rent a room for office space simply for the solitude I think I need? Not practical. Do the job! Get a monster set of earplugs and tune the world out so I can work! Music distracts. Every little breath makes more noise. Stop breathing! Be quiet!!! Turn off the damned television!!!!! Of course, each person living here has the right to breathe, live, watch tv, move around and suck up space. The pitfalls of living a family life. Clean out the spare bedroom and set up shop in there? No connection. Ah, pen and paper on the side of a mountain! There's the ticket. So, meanwhile, I mess around on the 'net setting up a blog that I may or may not use. Humans are such strange creatures.

Waiting for a freight train...

2005-07-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

If a person consistently stands on the railroad tracks and consistently gets hit by a freight train, does that make them slightly less intelligent than say, a person who has sense enough to check the train schedule to see when it would be wise to vacate the tracks? Or, perhaps, a person that knows the futility of standing on the tracks to begin with? It's an analogy. Dennis is the latest freight train. Every year at this time, certain areas get hit--and devastated--by a series of hurricanes. Lives are lost, homes destroyed. Millions and millions of dollars in damages occur. Livelihoods are disrupted. It is a sad and horrible thing to go through. So, why do people keep going through it? Do they think that nature is simply going to say "Oops! Pardon my path, I'll just move where there are no people." I don't understand it. Okay, so they have homes there. They have lived there for generations. Wouldn't the ongoing devastation over those same generations have taught them something? Of course, it is not any different than buying a lavish home on the side of a future mud-slide. It happens all the time. The rains come, the hills slide, there goes the neighborhood--literally. How about buying property on the San Andreas fault? It happens.

This is not about not caring for people and what happens to them. It's not about being cold-hearted. It's about common sense. There are so many common sense folk-sayings around. A stitich in time saves nine. If you play with matches, you're gonna get burned. It's not a good idea to play beside a hornet's nest. While folksy, they all have an element of solid wisdom. It's about skirting danger, flirting with disaster. I feel for people who go through loss. It's not pleasant and can be quite painful for all concerned.

But where is the common sense in staying in a place that is going to get slammed by a natural event? God holds us in the palm of His mighty hand. But, since He put nature into motion, is it then His fault that bad things happen to otherwise good people? What about trust in God, but tie your camel? That makes good sense to me. If there's going to be a flood, don't buy a house on the river. If you choose to do so, don't whine and complain every year when the same thing happens over and over again. I don't like watching the news during hurricane season. All those people upset because their homes are washed away, blown away. Complaining that aid and assistance is not getting to them fast enough. You knew it was coming. That train, barreling down the tracks, headed right for you. Just get out of the way, folks! It's nature, and nature happens year in and year out. Maybe it's not that easy to move, but it sure beats the alternative. As another old saying goes: Don't be surprised if you keep getting the same results when you keep doing the same thing. If you want to see a change, you have to change what you are doing.

Another test...

2005-07-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

This is the e-mail address from which I am supposed to be able to send blogs to my blog. This, therefore, is a test. (I'm trying out all the bells and whistles today so I can see if they work--or if I can figure them out enough to be useful to me...) [Ah, so it gets here, then I have to publish it from the Dashboard/Posting area before it shows up on the blog.]

Not much to show...

2005-07-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

You'd think after all these months I'd have more substance going on here. Well, there's a lot to do to keep up with life--and blogging along has not been my strong suit. I have learned quite a bit from all this, though. I have learned that I will use pictures on this blog only once in awhile. I have set up another blog for pictures. We'll see how that goes. I think I have managed to dismantle all the other blogs that I had set up during this experimental phase. Don't want to leave bits and pieces of myself scattered throughout cyberspace, not to mention clogging up someone else's works.

Today I played on the computer for hours and hours--and actually got things done. Learned things, printed out some things I needed to mail. A productive day, over all. Tomorrow I have no appointments so will hopefully be getting much more done. My plan is to spend most of the day working on my manuscript--such as it is. Ah, wonderful! Another appointment just got cancelled, so that gives me another day to work at home. So, slowly I am getting organized and making progress.

Blogger: TangoDream :: Manage Posts

2005-07-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

I don't think the little blogger button actually sends my comments to my blog. It just gives a link that takes me back to my blog editing area. (Or, rather, it takes me to the URL that was indicated in the field when I clicked on the blogger button. Interesting. Another thing learned.)

Getting from here to there...

2005-07-11T17:14:00.000-07:00

The first post I made did not show up--except as a link to somewhere. So, the second one I did showed up because I cut out all the html coding, then simply typed in my comment. Learning is amazing. Maybe there should be a handbook? lol But, hand's on is such fun.

Princess PorkChop

2005-07-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

Princess PorkChop
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This is our little chihuahua, Chuletta. She's a whopping six pounds of "I'm all that!"

Putting it all together...

2005-07-08T23:07:00.000-07:00

Time to catch up here. Okay, so we finished getting our friends packed and on their way. What a lot of work! I hate moving, even if it is not 'myself' that I am moving. Just makes it more imperative that we dump everything we own in case we have to move again!!! Of course, hubby is not into that idea fully. Anyway, they got there safely. My toe is not broken, just bruised badly. It will mend. We miss our friends. Also went to the Fourth of July parade in Virginia City and got to see Thomas in the parade. Pretty fun. Got lots of cool pics. Thomas rode in the Camp Walkabout Hummer. I don't like parades, per se, but to see the kid it was worth it. Afterwards we had a picnic, which meant we had to buy hot dogs from the City because Wendy, one of the princesses in a previous photo, did not plan the event very well. Okay, so she didn't plan it at all. We didn't bring lunches. LOL We still had a fun day hanging out together. That's what it's all about! (not the hokey-pokey, as others may claim)

We went to see War of the Worlds yesterday. No, it was Wednesday. Geez, time flies. Today is Friday, right? So, War of the Worlds was okay. Intense. Good special effects. I'm not much of a Cruise fan--especially since he trashed the Mission Impossible series. But then, that's Jollywood.

It is getting hotter by the day here. I don't like heat. Don't like cold, either. Guatemala, known as the Land of Eternal Spring, had the right temperature spread for me. So nice--never too hot or too cold. Eternal spring. I loved the monsoon season--where they had REAL monsoons and not these little piddly things they call monsoons around Arizona/Nevada. Those are laughable compared to Guatemala. Now, those were some real gully washers! I miss them. And the incredible lightening shows that came with them. Ah, those were the days...

TangoDream

2005-07-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

TangoDream Ah, ha! It appears that I have somehow created two blogs, or three. Not sure how to figure it out, but I will. I have a blog called "A digital life..." as well as the TangoDream blog. How very interesting. Anyway, that's where the last two attempts at posting to my blog from the blog button on the tool bar went. Very intersting. Maybe I can create an alter ego for myself. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

A day in the life...

2005-06-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

We spent most of the day helping friends load up two moving vans. They are heading back to Arizona, from whence they came about three years ago. I'll be sorry to see them leave. But, in our digital world, we will be able to keep in touch. I was able to help load things some, but the "guys" seemed to want to be in charge of all the heavy stuff. Fine with me. I also got to help clean a little, pack a little, and break my toe a little. Er, break my little toe. Kept hitting a bed frame so we moved a box in front of it so I wouldn't hit it. I had to go around the box--and hit the other end of the frame! Ah, the vagaries of life. Must remember to wear real shoes tomorrow when we go back to help them finish packing. It is a transitional time, I will miss them. They are nice folks, open hearts and loving.

Okay, so I am tired. Time to get some rest so I can start again tomorrow. Dogs to the vet, more loading of moving trucks. The finer things in life. It is just this, the day to day living that makes it worth chewing through the straps. Goodnight!

The Princesses...

2005-06-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

My two girls.
Posted by Hello

These are my two girls. Beautiful women. We're proud of them. They work hard. I sure miss having them around the house, under foot, asking endless questions about the world and what makes it tick. They have taught me a lot about what it means to be a mother, a woman, a human being.

Finalizing the choice...

2005-06-23T14:16:00.000-07:00

So, I am settling in here. I like the little emoticons that came with the journal.com and angelfire blogs I created. Those were fun. However, I like more that I can blog on this site much more easily from my the google toolbar. It seems more intuitive for a person who doesn't need all the bells and whistles, just simple blogging. Let's see if I can use the tools here and stick to it! Next is to conquer uploading pictures. And I am feeling a bit more organized. What a relief! I think.

Today it seems I have decided...

2005-06-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

Today it seems I have decided to stick with this blog site. There are several options, though I did like some of the templates on other sites better. However, I can blog through e-mail here, I can use Picasa2 with this blog--if I can figure it out. It's also easier than dinking around with all the other blogs I've tried, not to mention keeping track of usernames and passwords. That's my downfall. Too many of them. But, I am getting organized so that I can work more efficiently. Getting rid of e-mail accounts I rarely use, getting rid of extra blogs, weeding out the websites I have set up all over cyberspace. I think my days of experimenting are finally over for now. I want to settle in and achieve quality content now. A challenge. Life's fun.

Learning new things...

2005-06-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

Today I am trying to organize all the photos I have taken over the years--film and, now, digital. Picasa seems to be a fun program to use. We'll see how it goes. I have loaded so many images on my new computer, files and subfiles, and it's a mess. I hope picasa will help clean it up and make it easier to navagate all these images.

Brain freeze...

2005-05-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

from my angelfire.com blog:

Still my birthday and I am still experimenting with blogging. I am now at livejournal.com and it is interesting, though I do not like the way it is set up yet. If I find a site that I truly like and will put time/effort into, then I may pay to upgrade and get whatever features I need to make it look the way I want it to look. If not, oh well.

Checking in...

2005-05-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

from my livejournal.com site:

Here I am again. Not much going on but everything is hectic. I need to get organized but have too much other stuff to do to get that far. Maybe when summer is here, I can get it all under control. Control. A fun word.

Playing around

2005-05-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

I'm still playing around. I will get serious soon. I have about two weeks left before summer and I can organize my life around my writing--I hope! There's a lot to do and, for now, not much time to do it. But, it will happen. It will! Yep, it will.
posted by M @ 6:55 PM

Broken Hands...

2005-04-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

Today has been a long day. My hands hurt up to the elbows. It feels like the bones have all been broken and crunched. Not fun. Typing is a chore, but it gets done slowly.

Keeping the blog alive...

2005-04-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

From my blog-city blog...

In order to keep this site from dying of un-natural causes, I have been informed that I have to not only visit here, but blog here. Okay, this is a blog. I have blogged. I am blogging. Is this enough? I hope so. I still have not decided if I am going to be a blogger at all. But, it never hurts to keep the options open.

2005-02-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

From my livejournal.com blog:

I have visited many sites and set up a few blogs. I don't like any of them--or just don't feel comfortable with them yet. And don't feel like taking the time to get used to them yet. Too much other stuff to do. I also set up websites in a couple of places, but they have changed radically from what they used to be. It is much harder to use them. Oy vey! Technology for the sake of seeing how hard things can be. Or, the price of an upgrade. I don't feel well today and don't feel like messing with it. Is there a user friendly blog site out there or am I just dumb as a rock? That's a rhetorical question so no answers needed.

2005-02-02T13:31:00.000-08:00

from my angelfire.com account:

Well, this is interesting. I set a site up at Angelfire to build a website. I can't get to it no matter what I do. I have all the info right (username/password) but still can't get there from anywhere. Ah, but I can build a blog??? Okay, so it doesn't make sense and there are still bugs in the system. It has been awhile since I have romped through the chambers of cyberhell. Still looking, still learning--may go back to pen and ink.

Blogging around...

2005-01-26T17:29:00.000-08:00

from livejournal.com blog:

Still my birthday and I am still experimenting with blogging. I am now at livejournal.com and it is interesting, though I do not like the way it is set up yet. If I find a site that I truly like and will put time/effort into, then I may pay to upgrade and get whatever features I need to make it look the way I want it to look. If not, oh well.

Being Unique and birthdays...

2005-01-26T13:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, so where was I? Oh, still tinkering around with finding a blog. This is the third site. This one was a bit harder as I had to come up with a username that was not already used. Sigh. The other two sites I was able to use my first choice user name, making me feel that I was still unique in the universe. This time, I had to think. The three preferred usernames were already taken and I didn't just want to stick a number on the end and then not be unique. Haha. I am still learning on my birthday. Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes.However, I don't think a blog will be a good place to put my writings up for people to see. Some of them are short, but some are long and blogs seem to be more for just jotting down thoughts and impressions. Maybe I will have to break down and create another website for my writings. Too bad I can't get into that other site I made years ago. If I could find the index card where I wrote down all the pertinent information... Well, on to the next adventure.

posted by M @ 6:08 PM

Still thinking...

2005-01-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

So far, I am lost. This site seems a little harder to navigate.