Another Day, Another…blog?

I didn't know that goodreads had a blog option. I didn't use goodreads for more than tracking the reading of friends as well as my own reading. (My "to read" list has gotten rather large!) This is something new to learn. Maybe I will keep up with it. At least, something to think about.

So, for my first entry (on goodreads), the good/bad news. I just sent my mostly formatted completely self-edited manuscript (meaning as clean as I could make it re: errors, story flow, etc.) off to my editor. Is it normal to come to the end of a project and decide, unreservedly, that you hate your work, you may never write again, and it's all a sham. Or, that I am a sham? The "mostly formatted" part comes from fighting with my word processing program--trying to get it to take my formatting over what *it* thinks is the best way to do things. Sigh. That, I can (almost?) deal with.

The other part, hating my work, is strange. I didn't want to edit my stories at all. Never really did more than talk about collecting them into an anthology to publish. When I did finally sit down (after getting fired up from editing my friend's THIRD collection) I was actually enjoying the process. Some of the stories were older--from several years ago. Fresh eyes on the work. Fresh ideas on making them better. Many of the stories were, to me, actually pretty well written and fun/interesting. Wow! Did I write that???

After hours and hours and hours...you get the point...of editing, then the formatting, I feel like I should forget it. I'm a fraud. I can't write. Failure. So, I'm going to take this as just a let down from the intensive editing marathon I've been on and believe it will pass. Move on to another project and take several deep breaths. I'm sure I'm not the only struggling writer who has hit this sort of wall. It just seems rather strange. Guess I was hoping for a very large sigh of relief and a sense of accomplishment. Maybe that will come later. Like, when my intrepid editor starts sending me glowing reviews of my work? Hey, a girl can dream, right?

Now that I have written this, I think I'll copy it to my website, since I have been neglecting that again. Kill two birds with one stone...

Well, this was fun!,/p>

Shadowlands

Time to do a little maintenance and see if I have any brain cells left… Nope, still empty. They ooze out with the heat. Projects: on hold, moving slowly. Making lists. Dealing with summer. That's always hard, summer. Schedules get knocked off track—okay, never was much of one to keep to a schedule, but if I had one, summer would sure dislocate it. That's more in keeping with reality, at any rate.

This morning I spent about three hours at a workshop on the concept of consecration. Consecration: solemn commitment of your life or your time to some cherished purpose (to a service or a goal). That's the definition that I'm going with for the purposes of this blog. It is a workshop being developed by friends—I was a beta-tester, along with two others. I'm looking forward to seeing how this all develops and being a participant. More important, I'm looking forward to shaking it out and seeing how I can get what I've just learned to fall into place in my life as it stands right now. I have things to do—that are not getting done. Why? Find the answers, move forward.

I feel energized today. Have not felt that way in ages. Maybe the veil is lifting and the past is shifting out of the way. It has been a long seven months of illness and testing. A few more tests to go, but so be it. Thus far, all tests come back normal/positive so I can stop worrying. Not that I was overly worried to begin with, but all that running from one specialist to another for this and that drains time, energy, resources. Makes me a bit jumpy. Maybe I can find a way to let all that "stuff" flow past me as I get on with other things? Let it happen around me but connect the core of myself elsewhere? An interesting concept. Abdu'l-Baha says: "Know thou that the Kingdom is the real world, and this nether place is only its shadow stretching out. A shadow hath no life of its own; its existence is only a fantasy, and nothing more; it is but images reflected in water, and seeming as pictures to the eye."

Whilst at the workshop this morning, I had a few wandering thoughts having to do with reality—or Reality. Mostly disjointed but leaving me feeling on the edge of a realization, giddy and ready to fly. First, the thought: Don't confuse me with the facts. Which lead to; The physical is NOT the fact of reality = it is the confusion of Reality = the "static" that surrounds us (physical reality) = is THE TEST we journey through to get to the Divine matrix = we actually live *within* that matrix (see quote above) but we forget it as we get caught up in the physicality of life. Anyway, it's a start. Something to give some thought to as I move forward.