Flicker...

I stand at the shore, waiting
For the gathering storm to gather me in
Taking me beyond myself and this non-life
That I live, tucking pieces of you behind my ear

Your image flickers in and out of my heart
Like autumn leaves scattered in the wind
Carried beyond my reach by a fickle gust
Eddying around my feet as waves lap gently

When all is said and done
We will have moved past this waiting game
The shame of our lives lived and lost
Tossed up into piles of wreckage, bone dry

Nothing will be left of us in the dust
Not a trace of longing or searching or being
Just as grains of sand trade places
When the storm has passed

Copyright: 7 October 2005 S.M.S.

Nevermore...

The killing field is draped in white.
Suction jar awaiting the fruit of your womb,
a little glass tomb. They say
the altitude is too high
so we’ll send you down,
down into the valley,
where you will not bleed unduly
from this extraction of life.
But you squeeze tears
behind tight shut lids,
and step down from the death trap,
alone. Your hospital gown drapes shut
behind you. This is a mistake,
and you leave to grieve
over a life that won’t end
on this day.
Far away months flow by,
and we gather to hear
a newborn’s cry…
because you left the killing field.

Copyright: 10 October 2005 S.M.S.

Today and again...

It's cold today. My fingers are frozen even though the heat is on. So, it must be an internal cold or something. There are some very interesting blogs out there. I spent some time yesterday just wandering through blog-land and seeing what others are up to. Blogs from all over the world! Judging only from pictures posted and various other cues, people are people all over the place. Of course, I've always believed/known that, but it was fun looking at all the various pictures people have put up in their blogs. The poses are so similar--in family shots, vacation shots, sports shots, even animal shots. We are one people in this world with the same needs, desires, urgencies. Wandering through blogs only heightens the experience of knowing that it's a big world out there, but only one family--human. This quote comes to mind: "Take pride not in love for yourselves but in love for your fellow-creatures. Glory not in love for your country, but in love for all mankind." (Tablets of Baha'u'llah, p. 138) Ah, if we could all just hold to that thought. Bless you all out there!

BBC - Press Office - George Bush on Elusive Peace

What about the separation of church and state? ;-)

BBC - Press Office - George Bush on Elusive Peace

Sometimes...

losing your mind is a choice. I remember a friend, K. M., who had bouts of insanity. She would hallucinate and do strange things. She had kids, a husband, and a fairly nice house. All the trappings of life. But, every once in a while, she would just check out. I asked her about it once. She said that she did it so she could get away from her responsibilities. She didn’t seem to like “all the trappings” of the life she had. She said it was a choice she made. She could stick it out, or check out. So, she would decide to get crazy and get herself checked into an asylum. She’d go there and get medicated to the gills, stay there for a while, then come home again. She said she did it on purpose, and that it was a cheap vacation, but the food was lousy. A paid vacation of sorts. But, the food was tolerable because of the meds. Seems like a sad thing to do, leaving everyone behind while you have a vacation from your reality. Thinking about it, it seems to me that she had to have been a bit crazy to make a choice like that. If life got so tough that she needed to check out, then there must have been underlying mental instability to begin with? This is not a judgment. I never understood her reasoning—though I do know how it feels to want to take a vacation from the every-day realities of life. I just don’t think I’d want to go to those places in order to get away.

Return of the blog...

My main blog is back again. How nice! I have decided to keep writing all my blog stuff as Word docs then publish them to the site. That way, if it all crashes again, at least I’ll have the original posts in case I feel like rebuilding. Provided I get around to saving all this drivel to CDs in case the computer blows.  Nope, still haven’t learned life’s hard lessons regarding computers. Procrastination!  Still a couple of blogs (picture sites) missing, but I have all the pics so can redo if I feel so inclined. Doubt that I will at this point.  I do have new pics that need posting to share. That will come in time.

Today is a lazy sort of day. Finally answered a couple of e-mails that have been sitting around for a few weeks. Yesterday I spoke to someone who has some authority regarding T’s situation. Found out that the person who has been telling me Mr. X has not been available, Mr. X has been sick, Mr. X blahblahblah, has not, in fact, spoken to Mr. X at all!  The case was supposed to have been transferred at least four weeks ago, since it has been in the works for almost two months. Mr. X told me that he hadn’t even received notice until last week.  Lots of run around with no forward motion.  So, Mr. X was filled in on the situation and was a bit chagrinned that nothing had been done. It looks like there will finally be some progress and T will finally get the services he needs—and I will probably have to file a complaint regarding the whole fiasco. Why do service providers, or those who work in the human service sector, not seem to care too much these days about their clients? This has been an on-going problem for the past two years involving several people. It would not be so bad had we not found out that we have been being lied to.  That’s the rub.  Anyway, now we move forward.

Plans for this coming week are to: organize the living situation, sort more boxes, create a better working environment. Should keep me out of trouble for a few days.

Here we are, home at last...

Well, seems that most of the missing blogs have been restored--but still no explanation as to why they vanished in the first place. Curiouser and curiouser.