Love Lies Bleeding...
The emerald ring is missing
passed from hand to hand
generations of sisterhood spent unwillingly
with only a nod to feined kindness.
Grandmother's ring--
she probably knows where it's at--
but only the thief now claims it.
A sister with a grudge
and a few axes to grind
against the parted sisterhood.
No kind words like honey
dripping from puckered lips
that smack and flap like jarring threads
against wounded hearts.
There is no real love lost
as love lies bleeding at the bottom of the stairs.
I am too tired to climb up them
seeking an atonement that will not be there.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
Moving at the speed of light...
So many things to think about the last few days. Hmmm.....movies&ticket sales. Missing rings. The heat. Moving again. Swimming pools. The heat. Dogs&cats. The heat. Scrambled brains. And did I mention The Heat?
I sit here in front of a fan, because the air-conditioning does not work, thinking about how to cool off. It has been running between 103 to 106 degrees the past week--with no end in sight. This probably balances out the severe and endless cold we had this winter. Do you think things will even out year-round if we just stop bitching about the weather??? It's worth a try. Sure is hot today, though. ;-)
So, we go every Friday afternoon to a convalescent center and have devotional meetings for these people. Most of them are in various stages of Alzheimer’s disease. We read from the different Sacred Writings; the Bible, Qu'ran, Suffi, Bahá'í, Zoroaster, etc. We play music. These people just light up--because of the content and the fact that others are willing to sit with them for a couple of hours and just 'be.' It has been interesting. Their souls are still intact, regardless of what has happened to their minds. I have a theory, though I know it is probably far beyond reality.
There is the one man who carries on conversations, even during the devotions. Doesn't matter if someone is saying a prayer or reading from the texts. Anyway, he just talks about stuff. Just stuff. It makes no sense. But, all his other social cues are right on target. Usually someone responds to him as he carries on these conversations. So, my theory is: perhaps what he is saying actually makes perfect sense. Oliver Sacks has written extensively on people who have undergone brain trauma of varioius kinds. His books are fascinating, so look him up--if this interests you.
There was the story of the man who mistook his wife for a hatrack. The word 'hatrack' in his mind, came to symbolize 'wife' to him. So, what if everything has just shifted? An analogy would be, I suppose, like a computer filing system. There are folders in which you keep your files. Say a given folder WIFE has all the files you associate with that context. WIFE is an image in your mind where you file all things related. Ditto for HORSE, CAR, FOOD, etc. Each folder is an image that then gets linked and associated with all files having to do with that image. Then you have a sudden power surge and some of the folders get shifted--or the contents of the folders get shifted. So, your folder HATRACK now contains all the files associated with 'wife' or most of the files pertaining to the image 'wife'. Since we are both visual and verbal creatures, the shifting of this system would obviously put us out of sync with the rest of the people around us. Therefore, a statement such as "I took my hatrack to dinner last night." would cause those around us to scratch our heads and think we've lost a few bolts.
In reality, we are making perfect sense because, in our personal visual reality, hatrack now equals wife. Nothing has changed insofar as we can see. Which takes me back to the man mentioned above. If his comments are such: "I took the pigs to the dentist and had their cigarettes fitted to their ears. Once I got that done, I went and had a nap with cod filling. For desert I had sand storms on the beach. The weather was quite nice and only pushed the car off the edge." On the face of it, it makes no real sense. But, if we could get into the mind of that individual, if we could see just exactly how the folders and files got shifted, then we could understand him. Of course, that would take a Rosetta stone for every person going through this experience. But, the reason I say all this is because of the social cues.
All gestures and mannerisms pertaining to this man's conversation were on the mark. The intelligence that shows in a person's eyes when engaged in a discussion were there. All the hallmarks of a normal conversation. In his mind, all the associations were right and correct. What he said was exactly what he meant--according to his new filing system. If the picture of 'wife' is now linked permanently to the verbal cue 'hatrack' then hatrack and wife go together. And make sense. It is our inability to understand his new filing system that causes the misunderstanding.
Okay, so this may not make a whole lot of sense on the face of it. Anyway, it's just a theory. If anyone has a spare Rosetta stone laying around that works on the human mind, please let me know as I'd like to borrow it. Thanks!
I sit here in front of a fan, because the air-conditioning does not work, thinking about how to cool off. It has been running between 103 to 106 degrees the past week--with no end in sight. This probably balances out the severe and endless cold we had this winter. Do you think things will even out year-round if we just stop bitching about the weather??? It's worth a try. Sure is hot today, though. ;-)
So, we go every Friday afternoon to a convalescent center and have devotional meetings for these people. Most of them are in various stages of Alzheimer’s disease. We read from the different Sacred Writings; the Bible, Qu'ran, Suffi, Bahá'í, Zoroaster, etc. We play music. These people just light up--because of the content and the fact that others are willing to sit with them for a couple of hours and just 'be.' It has been interesting. Their souls are still intact, regardless of what has happened to their minds. I have a theory, though I know it is probably far beyond reality.
There is the one man who carries on conversations, even during the devotions. Doesn't matter if someone is saying a prayer or reading from the texts. Anyway, he just talks about stuff. Just stuff. It makes no sense. But, all his other social cues are right on target. Usually someone responds to him as he carries on these conversations. So, my theory is: perhaps what he is saying actually makes perfect sense. Oliver Sacks has written extensively on people who have undergone brain trauma of varioius kinds. His books are fascinating, so look him up--if this interests you.
There was the story of the man who mistook his wife for a hatrack. The word 'hatrack' in his mind, came to symbolize 'wife' to him. So, what if everything has just shifted? An analogy would be, I suppose, like a computer filing system. There are folders in which you keep your files. Say a given folder WIFE has all the files you associate with that context. WIFE is an image in your mind where you file all things related. Ditto for HORSE, CAR, FOOD, etc. Each folder is an image that then gets linked and associated with all files having to do with that image. Then you have a sudden power surge and some of the folders get shifted--or the contents of the folders get shifted. So, your folder HATRACK now contains all the files associated with 'wife' or most of the files pertaining to the image 'wife'. Since we are both visual and verbal creatures, the shifting of this system would obviously put us out of sync with the rest of the people around us. Therefore, a statement such as "I took my hatrack to dinner last night." would cause those around us to scratch our heads and think we've lost a few bolts.
In reality, we are making perfect sense because, in our personal visual reality, hatrack now equals wife. Nothing has changed insofar as we can see. Which takes me back to the man mentioned above. If his comments are such: "I took the pigs to the dentist and had their cigarettes fitted to their ears. Once I got that done, I went and had a nap with cod filling. For desert I had sand storms on the beach. The weather was quite nice and only pushed the car off the edge." On the face of it, it makes no real sense. But, if we could get into the mind of that individual, if we could see just exactly how the folders and files got shifted, then we could understand him. Of course, that would take a Rosetta stone for every person going through this experience. But, the reason I say all this is because of the social cues.
All gestures and mannerisms pertaining to this man's conversation were on the mark. The intelligence that shows in a person's eyes when engaged in a discussion were there. All the hallmarks of a normal conversation. In his mind, all the associations were right and correct. What he said was exactly what he meant--according to his new filing system. If the picture of 'wife' is now linked permanently to the verbal cue 'hatrack' then hatrack and wife go together. And make sense. It is our inability to understand his new filing system that causes the misunderstanding.
Okay, so this may not make a whole lot of sense on the face of it. Anyway, it's just a theory. If anyone has a spare Rosetta stone laying around that works on the human mind, please let me know as I'd like to borrow it. Thanks!
Friday, July 15, 2005
Moving and Shaking...
So, I feel like it's time to move, maybe. Small town living is getting old and uninspiring. Yes, there is a lot going on, if you can 'belong' to the community. But, it's hard to wedge one's self into a closed system. That was a problem from the last small community we lived in--even after 15 years we still didn't fit in. Not that we didn't try. But, there is a lot to be said about how people in small towns treat 'foreigners' and a foreigner is anyone that was not born and raised there--doesn't matter where you come from.
So, is it time to try for the anonymity of a larger city? Time to go for the city lights, theater, festivals, free music in the park? Time to find inspiration from blending into a crowd? We are at a crossroads, and crossroads can be tricky to navigate. A major change in life-style can completely unhinge, or it can be just the right touch.
If I had my way, where would I want to live? Let's see, maybe a nice apartment with all the amenities; swimming pool, sauna, exercise room, someone else to do all the yard work. A gated community, perhaps? Feel like living in the lap of civilization for a change? Have neighbors that watch out for each other instead of living in the middle of no where, with few neighbors. It would be very different, that's for sure. Nothing like what we are used to.
I guess the bottom line is that we go anywhere the job is. Right now, we are both unemployed and the job prospects here are not good at all. That's another problem with small towns--employment. Closing down the charter school put a lot of folks out of work. Some of them happily--it was just what they needed, as they said, to move out of their ruts. Others, who had not been planning on any changes, are now in a different kind of rut. The looking-for-work rut. That's not a fun place to be! However, it may be a necessary place to be. The universe sometimes conspires to make us do things we may not want to do--and it usually turns out to be for the best in the end. We have traditionally stayed away from the idea of city living for personal reasons. But, maybe that is an idea whose time is over.
We always thought it would be cheaper to live in a small town. That was one of several reasons we stayed out of cities. However, we do visit cities and end up spending a lot of money when we do. So, if we lived in one, maybe we would be less tempted to spend money. There are all sorts of free things to do in the two cities we are looking at: Festivals and concerts in the parks, places to just walk around and take pictures, lakes and rivers to visit, libraries to wander through, just a plethora of things to do. Maybe the cost of living in a city is off-set by the fact of being there and not having it be a novel thing--where one may be more likely to over-spend during a visit, for instance. Oh, so much to think about.
So, is it time to try for the anonymity of a larger city? Time to go for the city lights, theater, festivals, free music in the park? Time to find inspiration from blending into a crowd? We are at a crossroads, and crossroads can be tricky to navigate. A major change in life-style can completely unhinge, or it can be just the right touch.
If I had my way, where would I want to live? Let's see, maybe a nice apartment with all the amenities; swimming pool, sauna, exercise room, someone else to do all the yard work. A gated community, perhaps? Feel like living in the lap of civilization for a change? Have neighbors that watch out for each other instead of living in the middle of no where, with few neighbors. It would be very different, that's for sure. Nothing like what we are used to.
I guess the bottom line is that we go anywhere the job is. Right now, we are both unemployed and the job prospects here are not good at all. That's another problem with small towns--employment. Closing down the charter school put a lot of folks out of work. Some of them happily--it was just what they needed, as they said, to move out of their ruts. Others, who had not been planning on any changes, are now in a different kind of rut. The looking-for-work rut. That's not a fun place to be! However, it may be a necessary place to be. The universe sometimes conspires to make us do things we may not want to do--and it usually turns out to be for the best in the end. We have traditionally stayed away from the idea of city living for personal reasons. But, maybe that is an idea whose time is over.
We always thought it would be cheaper to live in a small town. That was one of several reasons we stayed out of cities. However, we do visit cities and end up spending a lot of money when we do. So, if we lived in one, maybe we would be less tempted to spend money. There are all sorts of free things to do in the two cities we are looking at: Festivals and concerts in the parks, places to just walk around and take pictures, lakes and rivers to visit, libraries to wander through, just a plethora of things to do. Maybe the cost of living in a city is off-set by the fact of being there and not having it be a novel thing--where one may be more likely to over-spend during a visit, for instance. Oh, so much to think about.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Plodging along....
I feel like packing a suitcase or two and heading out to who-knows-where. Just get on a bus and go...all over. Cross the ocean in a cruise ship. Go to Alaska and get out of the heat. Travel, travel, travel. I think I am bored, but there is so much to do! We humans are like that. We take our lives and complicate them all to hell. Boredom is not knowing which step to take next in the process. Write the book, go see the movie, call a friend. What next? Clock in at work and go home, run the rat race, feel bored. What is boredom? Where does it come from? I am inspired but there is so much noise around me that I can't think. Make other people keep silent? How fair is that? Not very. Rent a room for office space simply for the solitude I think I need? Not practical. Do the job! Get a monster set of earplugs and tune the world out so I can work! Music distracts. Every little breath makes more noise. Stop breathing! Be quiet!!! Turn off the damned television!!!!! Of course, each person living here has the right to breathe, live, watch tv, move around and suck up space. The pitfalls of living a family life. Clean out the spare bedroom and set up shop in there? No connection. Ah, pen and paper on the side of a mountain! There's the ticket. So, meanwhile, I mess around on the 'net setting up a blog that I may or may not use. Humans are such strange creatures.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Waiting for a freight train...
If a person consistently stands on the railroad tracks and consistently gets hit by a freight train, does that make them slightly less intelligent than say, a person who has sense enough to check the train schedule to see when it would be wise to vacate the tracks? Or, perhaps, a person that knows the futility of standing on the tracks to begin with? It's an analogy. Dennis is the latest freight train. Every year at this time, certain areas get hit--and devastated--by a series of hurricanes. Lives are lost, homes destroyed. Millions and millions of dollars in damages occur. Livelihoods are disrupted. It is a sad and horrible thing to go through. So, why do people keep going through it? Do they think that nature is simply going to say "Oops! Pardon my path, I'll just move where there are no people." I don't understand it. Okay, so they have homes there. They have lived there for generations. Wouldn't the ongoing devastation over those same generations have taught them something? Of course, it is not any different than buying a lavish home on the side of a future mud-slide. It happens all the time. The rains come, the hills slide, there goes the neighborhood--literally. How about buying property on the San Andreas fault? It happens.
This is not about not caring for people and what happens to them. It's not about being cold-hearted. It's about common sense. There are so many common sense folk-sayings around. A stitich in time saves nine. If you play with matches, you're gonna get burned. It's not a good idea to play beside a hornet's nest. While folksy, they all have an element of solid wisdom. It's about skirting danger, flirting with disaster. I feel for people who go through loss. It's not pleasant and can be quite painful for all concerned.
But where is the common sense in staying in a place that is going to get slammed by a natural event? God holds us in the palm of His mighty hand. But, since He put nature into motion, is it then His fault that bad things happen to otherwise good people? What about trust in God, but tie your camel? That makes good sense to me. If there's going to be a flood, don't buy a house on the river. If you choose to do so, don't whine and complain every year when the same thing happens over and over again. I don't like watching the news during hurricane season. All those people upset because their homes are washed away, blown away. Complaining that aid and assistance is not getting to them fast enough. You knew it was coming. That train, barreling down the tracks, headed right for you. Just get out of the way, folks! It's nature, and nature happens year in and year out. Maybe it's not that easy to move, but it sure beats the alternative. As another old saying goes: Don't be surprised if you keep getting the same results when you keep doing the same thing. If you want to see a change, you have to change what you are doing.
This is not about not caring for people and what happens to them. It's not about being cold-hearted. It's about common sense. There are so many common sense folk-sayings around. A stitich in time saves nine. If you play with matches, you're gonna get burned. It's not a good idea to play beside a hornet's nest. While folksy, they all have an element of solid wisdom. It's about skirting danger, flirting with disaster. I feel for people who go through loss. It's not pleasant and can be quite painful for all concerned.
But where is the common sense in staying in a place that is going to get slammed by a natural event? God holds us in the palm of His mighty hand. But, since He put nature into motion, is it then His fault that bad things happen to otherwise good people? What about trust in God, but tie your camel? That makes good sense to me. If there's going to be a flood, don't buy a house on the river. If you choose to do so, don't whine and complain every year when the same thing happens over and over again. I don't like watching the news during hurricane season. All those people upset because their homes are washed away, blown away. Complaining that aid and assistance is not getting to them fast enough. You knew it was coming. That train, barreling down the tracks, headed right for you. Just get out of the way, folks! It's nature, and nature happens year in and year out. Maybe it's not that easy to move, but it sure beats the alternative. As another old saying goes: Don't be surprised if you keep getting the same results when you keep doing the same thing. If you want to see a change, you have to change what you are doing.
Another test...
This is the e-mail address from which I am supposed to be able to send blogs to my blog. This, therefore, is a test. (I'm trying out all the bells and whistles today so I can see if they work--or if I can figure them out enough to be useful to me...) [Ah, so it gets here, then I have to publish it from the Dashboard/Posting area before it shows up on the blog.]
Not much to show...
You'd think after all these months I'd have more substance going on here. Well, there's a lot to do to keep up with life--and blogging along has not been my strong suit. I have learned quite a bit from all this, though. I have learned that I will use pictures on this blog only once in awhile. I have set up another blog for pictures. We'll see how that goes. I think I have managed to dismantle all the other blogs that I had set up during this experimental phase. Don't want to leave bits and pieces of myself scattered throughout cyberspace, not to mention clogging up someone else's works.
Today I played on the computer for hours and hours--and actually got things done. Learned things, printed out some things I needed to mail. A productive day, over all. Tomorrow I have no appointments so will hopefully be getting much more done. My plan is to spend most of the day working on my manuscript--such as it is. Ah, wonderful! Another appointment just got cancelled, so that gives me another day to work at home. So, slowly I am getting organized and making progress.
Today I played on the computer for hours and hours--and actually got things done. Learned things, printed out some things I needed to mail. A productive day, over all. Tomorrow I have no appointments so will hopefully be getting much more done. My plan is to spend most of the day working on my manuscript--such as it is. Ah, wonderful! Another appointment just got cancelled, so that gives me another day to work at home. So, slowly I am getting organized and making progress.
Blogger: TangoDream :: Manage Posts
I don't think the little blogger button actually sends my comments to my blog. It just gives a link that takes me back to my blog editing area. (Or, rather, it takes me to the URL that was indicated in the field when I clicked on the blogger button. Interesting. Another thing learned.)
Getting from here to there...
The first post I made did not show up--except as a link to somewhere. So, the second one I did showed up because I cut out all the html coding, then simply typed in my comment. Learning is amazing. Maybe there should be a handbook? lol But, hand's on is such fun.
Princess PorkChop
Princess PorkChop
Posted by Picasa
This is our little chihuahua, Chuletta. She's a whopping six pounds of "I'm all that!"
Friday, July 08, 2005
Putting it all together...
Time to catch up here. Okay, so we finished getting our friends packed and on their way. What a lot of work! I hate moving, even if it is not 'myself' that I am moving. Just makes it more imperative that we dump everything we own in case we have to move again!!! Of course, hubby is not into that idea fully. Anyway, they got there safely. My toe is not broken, just bruised badly. It will mend. We miss our friends. Also went to the Fourth of July parade in Virginia City and got to see Thomas in the parade. Pretty fun. Got lots of cool pics. Thomas rode in the Camp Walkabout Hummer. I don't like parades, per se, but to see the kid it was worth it. Afterwards we had a picnic, which meant we had to buy hot dogs from the City because Wendy, one of the princesses in a previous photo, did not plan the event very well. Okay, so she didn't plan it at all. We didn't bring lunches. LOL We still had a fun day hanging out together. That's what it's all about! (not the hokey-pokey, as others may claim)
We went to see War of the Worlds yesterday. No, it was Wednesday. Geez, time flies. Today is Friday, right? So, War of the Worlds was okay. Intense. Good special effects. I'm not much of a Cruise fan--especially since he trashed the Mission Impossible series. But then, that's Jollywood.
It is getting hotter by the day here. I don't like heat. Don't like cold, either. Guatemala, known as the Land of Eternal Spring, had the right temperature spread for me. So nice--never too hot or too cold. Eternal spring. I loved the monsoon season--where they had REAL monsoons and not these little piddly things they call monsoons around Arizona/Nevada. Those are laughable compared to Guatemala. Now, those were some real gully washers! I miss them. And the incredible lightening shows that came with them. Ah, those were the days...
We went to see War of the Worlds yesterday. No, it was Wednesday. Geez, time flies. Today is Friday, right? So, War of the Worlds was okay. Intense. Good special effects. I'm not much of a Cruise fan--especially since he trashed the Mission Impossible series. But then, that's Jollywood.
It is getting hotter by the day here. I don't like heat. Don't like cold, either. Guatemala, known as the Land of Eternal Spring, had the right temperature spread for me. So nice--never too hot or too cold. Eternal spring. I loved the monsoon season--where they had REAL monsoons and not these little piddly things they call monsoons around Arizona/Nevada. Those are laughable compared to Guatemala. Now, those were some real gully washers! I miss them. And the incredible lightening shows that came with them. Ah, those were the days...
TangoDream
TangoDream Ah, ha! It appears that I have somehow created two blogs, or three. Not sure how to figure it out, but I will. I have a blog called "A digital life..." as well as the TangoDream blog. How very interesting. Anyway, that's where the last two attempts at posting to my blog from the blog button on the tool bar went. Very intersting. Maybe I can create an alter ego for myself. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
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